TUNNEL TUESDAY

TUNNEL TUESDAY: O TUNNEL, WHERE ART THOU?

Well hello there felines.  So we left you all with a bit of a cliff-hanger last week when I discovered that my tunnel was missing and that it had vanished into thin air...

Some of the Audience was trying to cheer me up by suggesting it might just be an April Fools'  joke that was pulled on me...

But I am sad to report that it was not.  My tunnel is really gone...

After partaking of some good nip, I had the bright idea to call someone who might just be able to help me find my tunnel...

I looked into my Little Black Book and found the number of "Von Ice Enterprises"...

And I dialed my old friend Mr. L also known as Private Eye Malhaven Leopold Von Ice...

When I called, Private Eye Von Ice was in the middle of his weekly drumming circle and there was quite a ruckus in the background...

I gave him the information that my tunnel had disappeared and asked for his professional investigative advice...

He instructed me to make a list of suspects who had filtered through Headquarters in the past year, gather them all in one room at the same time, sniff them all...

and then go "mental" on them by unleashing my inner "Patrick Jane"...

Here's my list of "The Unusual Suspects":

Mini-Cloon

Ducky

Neytiri

(She's looking rather shifty there, dontcha think?  She said she was trying to decide on the best angle for her mugshot...)

Stan The World's Smallest Sheep

Varmit The Marmot

My Long-Lost Cousin Cloonski Ogorki

The Elves

Clooney Claus's Deers

The Woofie From Next Door

Ducky's Relatives

"The Baby"

The Smurfs

Pierre Du Port

Now Audience, feel free to leave your ideas and suspicions below in the comments and fasten your seat belts because it's going to be one wild ride...
a wild tunnel chase...

Join me next TUESDAY felines for our new series "Tunnel Chase Tuesday".

The Reveal

Hello Audience!  When we last left off, we left you with a wee bit of a cliff-hanger...uh sorry about that...Here I am on my way to get a closer look at what Neytiri and I saw...

And here both of us are staring at the mystery object...

Whoa, I can't believes my eyes...

ARE YOU READY FOR THE REVEAL?

(For those unfamiliar with Ogopogo, it is said to be a big sea serpent monster that has been spotted in Lake Okanagan, near where we live.)

IT'S OGOPOGO!

Our very own Ogopogo in our backyard of Headquarters designed by a crew of landscaping experts, to be exact!  It is none other than the crew of local Marmots headed by Varmit the Marmot!  Many moons ago, I struck a deal with Varmit and his crew to landscape the yard of Headquarters in order to make it more birdie-friendly.  Theese little guys have been working diligently (bar those frequent winter trips to Mexico to catch some rays) for almost 2 years to complete the above masterpiece!  IF YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT OUR ORIGINAL NEGOTIATION FOR THE DEAL GO HERE. 

Initially, I promised the Marmot crew LOTS of Num-Nums to complete the deal.  But we quickly discovered that they were way more productive when we fed them a steady supply of beautiful B.C. cherries!  Here is Pierre Du Port (one of our Assistants at Headquarters) posing with the crew.  

And notice what they did just for you Audience (because we love you all so much!)...they formed a HEART-SHAPED MARMOT!

Well folks, thanks for being part of our great "Reveal" and if anyone out there wants one of theese Ogopogos in their backyard, we'll send the crew right on over...

ST. PADDY'S DAY FESTIVITIES

Well hello there my fine little Leprechauns!  A Happy St. Paddy's Day to you all!  How many of you are wearing GREEN today?  Let's have a show of "paws"...Neytiri has taken note of those NOT wearing green and I will personally be coming 'round to pinch theese ones.

It is a very exciting day at Headquarters!  The Assembly Line Elves are brewing Green Ale and doing Irish jigs. We are starting the festivities with socializing and some ice breaker games.  Theese is a nip-friendly event and guests are encouraged to have a little sniff and roll around to eliminate any "wallflower" tendencies and encourage participation in the activities and events.

Here is Neytiri with part of the crew.  She is "licking her chops" as she has just had her first taste of "ale".  "The Baby", Pierre Du Port and "Ducky" are all here to celebrate and will partake in the Lucky Irish Coin Toss, Spin The Mini-Mug, Charades (St. Paddy's Edition), Elvis Voice-Coaching Lessons and the Dance-a-thon (Jigs with a bit of Macarena thrown in).

Here is a close-up of "Ducky" who has taken up residence in a mini-mug of ale for the past 3 days...Uh, the poor little guy is going to be one hurting unit!  Good thing I can save him with my "Hair Of The Dog"...And Pierre has come to the event dressed as his favorite Irish Cowboy...

 Here is me with "The Baby".  He is "coaching" me to get serious and immerse myself into the character of Elvis so I can proceed with some voice lessons.  Notice the look of concentration I has goin' on...

 And our "Surprise" Event of the day is...The St. Paddy's Photobooth where you can have your picture taken with the Assembly Line Elf (ALE) above and even leave with a autographed copy.  We'z expecting theese one to be very popular and just want to advise guests that there may be wait times...

Now here I have not one, not two...but three mini-mugs of ale on the go at once...But don't worry folks, I made sure to eat lots of Num-Nums before I started to PAR-TAY, so I've given myself a good "base".  Trust me on theese one...(Uh, a reminder for guests to bring coins with them to our party as I charge for use of the "premises" (aka: biffy)... (Theese is another way that I top up my Num-Num Fund.) Uh sorry about that...

Before I leave to join the activities currently underway, I just want to make a toast to our dearly missed "Girlfriend" (pictured above)whose 12th Birthday would have been today on St. Paddy's Day.  I'm sure she's watching over the festivities from above...saying to herself, "Oh Dear!"...

So please join me in raising a mini-mug of ale to "Girlfriend"!

The 2010 Annual PURR-FUR-MANCE Review

Hello there Audience.  Let's get "The 2010 Annual PURR-FUR-MANCE Review" underway, shall we?  Our Human will be reviewed by me Clooney, Neytiri, Pierre Du Port (one of my Assistants at Headquarters who happens to be a dog toy wearing the red hoodie) and "Ducky" (Neytiri's best friend, the little yellow duck).

We all played rock-paper-scissors to determine the order of who would be speaking.  It shall proceed theese way: "Ducky", Pierre Du Port, Neytiri and then me Clooney.

"Ducky":  Quack, quack, quack... (just messin' with ya!) Ok, now I'm ready.  I give our Human a 4 PAWS rating (of course I have to borrow Neytiri's paws because I don't really have paws...).  I base this decision on the fact that The Human is always concerned about my whereabouts and panics when she can't find me.  So she is always looking out for me and pulling me out from under things and I really appreciate that.  Of course she does include me in the blog also which is the whole purpose of this review.  I get to do interesting things like bake pies in the easy-bake oven, run the fax machine, dust and I did get to announce the blogs that received The Stylish Blogger Award. 

Pierre Du Port:  Bonjour Mes Amis! For those of you who don't know my story, I was rescued from the Canal in Montreal and then came to live with Cloon at Headquarters.  I was Acting Secretary after "Girlfriend" had gone to kitty heaven and before Neytiri came to live at Headquarters.  So I got to do many interesting things in the past year.  But THE most interesting by far was when I went with The Human on a backpacking trip to Australia.  I saw kangaroos, met woofies from Down Under, hung out at Bondi Beach as a lifeguard and had a walk-on role in a Cowboy & Western movie in the Australian Outback.  So I give The Human a 2 BIG FEET (because I only have 2 big feet and no paws) rating which would be the equivalent to 4 PAWS.

Neytiri: Hello there Audience!  I really love my Human and purr most of the time when I see her so I will have to give her a high rating...In my short time at Headquarters I have purr-ticipated in many interesting things and stories.  Now, I do not like to have my picture taken so I am known to make things difficult in this department but I AM getting more blog time with some good photos my Human happens to get like for Wordless Wednesdays.  My one tiny complaint is that the things that appear magically in the "tunnel" tend to be for Clooney and I would like to share more in the magic department.  However, I still give my Human a 4 HAIRY PAWS rating.

Cloon:  Well hello there folks.  Ok, now theese is a very interesting review because mainly I writes the stories on theese blog and then I just dictates them to my Human so she can types them up.  So, essentially I'z reviewing myself... So, essentially I has to gives myself a 4 PAWS rating because I'z the Cloon.  Now let me just talk about some room for improvement...My Human did leave me to go to Australia last year and I WAS sad.  Now I did stay at "Squirrel Sanctuary" with my Grandma and I did have lots of action in the squirrel and birdie department so theese was excellent.  However the quantity of our blog posts did go down because my Human was not around to type up my stories...Another thing is we tend to miss alot of the chat rooms and fun events with dj's and niptinis etc.  My Human seems to miss the day of theese events so she needs to be more organized in theese department so I can go visiting and attend theese paw-pawties.

Well there you have it folks, looks like we has a PURR-FECT rating...

(Cloon to his Human, "OK, now where are theese NUM-NUMS I was promised for giving you a good review?"...)

CLOONEY'S NUM-NUM FUND...FROM THE VERY BEGINNING...PART 2:

Hello folks. Now it is time for Part 2 of my story and to introduce some other important "characters" that have been part of my blog... Theese above Canine is Mr. L. He is holding his special friend and favorite dog toy aka his "Baby". I first interviewed Mr. L a long time ago. http://bit.ly/dgXDlj "The Baby" is a VERY INTERESTING CHARACTER. He had broken Mr. L's heart a while back by running away from home thus leaving Mr. L very lonely. http://bit.ly/bPauSD "The Baby" also joined a renegade biker gang and I had to travel to Albuquerque to find him and bring him back home. After "The Baby" and I got our kicks on Route 66, I tricked him, hypnotized him, put him in a suitcase in cargo and brought him back to Canada. Mr. L and him were happily reunited. Mr. L and "The Baby" are big fans of Elvis and perform Elvis Impersonation concerts. When I needs investigative work done, I use the services of Mr. L, who is also known as Private Eye Malhaven Leopold Von Ice.
He has a good nose and when he doesn't get sidetracked by "squirrels" he does some excellent work. http://bit.ly/df9x8J

One day a basket was dropped off on the doorstep of Mr. L's home. That's when Miss Story Weathers entered the picture. http://bit.ly/cwtfGO Miss Stormy was also involved in my Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge. http://bit.ly/cAX4oZ

Another key event was when Mr. L and I received a call from Montreal asking for our help in rescuing a dog toy out of the canal. Theese dog toy is a smaller version of "The Baby" and his name is "Pierre Du Port" (see above photo). Pierre had a fascination with cowboys so he decided to come back to the "wild west" with me and live at Headquarters helping me out with secretarial duties. In the spring of theese year, Pierre also travelled to Australia with my Human and he presented my research paper: "Num-Nums: The Secret Laboratory Findings" at the 1st Annual Symposium On Feline Nutrition . As well, Pierre has been recruiting animals from Oz for my Australia Zoo in Canada. http://bit.ly/aq29xa

With Pierre Du Port away Down Under for so long, I was getting really behind in my work at Headquarters. Those Elves need lots of supervising and the switchboard is really busy with calls for our various services and questions about Clooneymobiles...So my Human decided to finds me a new Secretary to run things behind the scenes. She found theese little one above. Her name is Princess Neytiri and she is from the Ragdoll Clan. http://bit.ly/bzEdLb

I'm glad to have her help with "organizing" things at Headquarters. She's been implementing a Bootcamp for our employees to try to increase efficiency. http://bit.ly/dj4enT We'z had excellent results with the "Office Management", "Assembly Line Production", and "Fundraising and PR" components of the Bootcamp so far. Now Secretary Neytiri will be moving onto the "Esthetics" and "Bedazzling" modules with our employees.

I hopes I made my blog storylines a little less confusing for new Audience members by doing a 2-Part Review. My favorite part of blogging is to tell theese stories and hopefully provides some entertainment for Felines, Humans and...Canines.

PIERRE DU PORT & "DUCKY" ROCK THE EASY BAKE

Cloon: Hello there Audience. We gots an exciting event going on at Headquarters. It's the final module of the "Office Management" Bootcamp: "Using the easy bake oven". The kitchen of Headquarters is abuzz with excitement as two of our Bootcamp trainees Pierre Du Port and "Ducky" have been busy at work in the kitchen all day. It appears that the Cockatoo from Australia is sitting theese module out...here with the update is the Secretary of Clooney Credit Canada and the official Bootcamp Leader.

Neytiri: Yes, Cloon. As it turns out our liability insurance at Headquarters does not cover the potential hazards of mixing "feathers" with electrical appliances. Thus, the Cockatoo from Australia was given a pass on this module leaving Pierre Du Port competing against "Ducky" in the bake-off.

Cloon: Understandable. Now can you bring the Audience up to snuff with what is going on in the Bootcamp?

Neytiri: My trainees are about to graduate from the "Office Management" component of the Bootcamp and must compete in an Easy Bake Oven Bake-Off. I spent the morning doing a seminar on the ins and outs of the easy bake oven: demonstrating how to plug the apparatus in, using the various knobs and settings, adjusting the temperature correctly, safety procedures during use, testing the food to ensure it is fully cooked and finally, cleaning the unit after its use. For their final exam, I have given them the creative freedom to choose their own type of pie to make and then bake using the oven.

Cloon: And I guess that's where I come in... I'z the official judge of the contest and will assign the passing grade to each of the trainees and declare the winner of the bake-off.

Neytiri: That's correct. Now there is one interesting twist in the contest. Each of the trainees has used their own "secret ingredient" in their pie, which you alone must identify and then judge the overall synergy and balance with the rest of the ingredients.

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent! I will grade theese pies according to taste for a total of 25 points, creativity for a total of 15 points and overall impression for a total of 10 points. Then I will assign the trainees a grade out of 50 possible points. The straws have been drawn for tasting order and Pierre shall present his pie first. Go ahead Pierre...Rock my easy bake...

Pierre: Bonjour Cloon! Today you will be tasting a Tourtiere, a French Canadian meat pie from Quebec. Bon Appetit!

Cloon: Mmm, this is quite tasty, I has to give you a full 25 points for flavor. And I do believe that I detect the "secret ingredient" to be num-nums... which is very creative on your part Pierre, so I has to give you a full 15 points for creativity. My overall impression is that I am very impressed, therefore I has to give you a full 10 points in theese category. Pierre has just earned himself a perfect score of 50 out of 50 for his num-nums meat pie! Now, onto the next one: "Ducky"...Rock my easy bake...

"Ducky": Quack, quack, quack...

Cloon: Excuse me, do we have a translator in the Audience? Does anyone speak "Stuffed Duck"?

"Ducky": Just messin' with ya Cloon! Today you will be tasting an "elegant" red cherry pie. Enjoy!

Cloon: Hmm, theese one tastes very, very interesting...I can't quite put my paw on the "secret ingredient"...I needs to have another piece...

(The Audience gasps in astonishment as Cloon starts rolling around on the floor...)

Cloon: (Getting his composure back) Brilliant! I believe that the "secret ingredient" is catnip so "Ducky" gets a full 15 points for creativity! I'm very impressed with his "secret ingredient" so he gets a full 10 points for overall impression. I must say I feel a bit "under the influence" so I will be awarding a full 25 points for taste. "Ducky" has just earned himself a perfect score of 50 out of 50 for his cherry catnip pie!

It's official...I declare a tie in the easy bake oven bake-off. Both trainees, Pierre Du Port and "Ducky" have been granted a perfect passing grade of 50/50 for theese module and will be awarded a certificate in "Office Management".

(Having a bit of the "munchies", Cloon saunters off in search of more num-nums pie...)

"SHAKE YA TAILFEATHER"... DUSTING BOOTCAMP BEGINS

Cloon: So how goes the "Office Management" component of the Bootcamp?

Neytiri: Well, the Cockatoo from Australia got top marks in the efficiency category for answering the busy switchboard. "Ducky" had the highest score for politeness. And Pierre Du Port took the "flair" category by storm. His French accent does quite a number on the lady callers.

Cloon: Sounds about right. Did each of them get the passing grade they needed to advance to the next module?

Neytiri: They all passed with flying colors! In fact, I even had "The Baby" call in with a prank phone call and they each handled it with perfect professionalism, even upselling him in the process.

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent. Did "The Baby" use my all time favorite of "Is your refrigerator running?"

Neytiri: Yes, he did! He said he learned it from you by attending your "Seminar on Prank Calls".

Cloon: That's a my boy, he maka me proud every time. What did the employees end up upselling him?

Neytiri: A pimped up suitcase! And I must say they were 4 Bootcamp components ahead of themselves!

Cloon: I thinks they take after me in the intelligence department. Theese is lookin' good! So, how did they do with the Dusting Bootcamp?

Neytiri: They enjoyed observing me with the feather duster. I must admit I have a bit of a fixation with it. I like to run around the house holding it in my mouth.

Cloon: How did you manage to keep them motivated with the process?

Neytiri: I played rap music loudly in the background.

Cloon: So, it's on to the next module of training: "scheduling daily num-num breaks for Headquarters employees". Speaking of which "I'm starving like Marvin girl"...

CLOON SAMBAS AROUND HEADQUARTERS SINGING: "OH, OH, OH...OH OH...

SHAKE YA TAIL FEATHER"...

PIERRE DU PORT TAKES AMATEUR CATEGORY IN WORLD'S FIRST
POUTINE-EATING CHAMPIONSHIP

Cloon: Hello there Audience. Joining me in-studio is Pierre Du Port. Pierre has returned from his Australian trip and has just finished competing in the World's First Poutine-Eating Championship in Toronto. Welcome back Pierre!

Pierre: Bonjour et merci!

Cloon: So, tell us little buddy, how did the poutine-eating contest go?

Pierre: Formidable!

Cloon: That's excellent, most excellent! How did you place?

Pierre: Well, I took the amateur category, just as you predicted Cloon.

Cloon: Tell us more...how much poutine did you manage to eat in the allotted time of 10 minutes?

Pierre: I consumed 6 pounds of poutine!

Cloon: Now, theese is most excellent for a dog toy your size!

Pierre: C'est vrai. The organizers of the event were kinda worried about me being so small so I was required to sign a waiver about the potential adverse effects of consuming so many calories in only a few minutes.

Cloon: How did you feel afterwards?

Pierre: Like a million bucks, given the fact that I was without poutine for the 2 months I was "Down Under".

Cloon: Well Congratulations Pierre! Do you have anything else to say in closing?

Pierre: Oui, oui. I'm very pleased that poutine-eating has now become an international sport!

Cloon: Well give the little guy a round of applause Audience and anyone who donates to the Num-Num Fund in the next 48 hours will receive a free e-book authored by Pierre Du Port entitled, "Eat Poutine Like An Amateur"...

PIERRE DU PORT CATCHES HIS LAST FEW RAYS IN OZ BEFORE RETURNING TO CANADA

Cloon: Hello Pierre! I finds myself a wee bit jealous of your beach view. But I do has some good squirrel watching, I guess.

Pierre: G'day Mate! Yes, I must admit that I have enjoyed the rays and the beautiful scenery.

But alas I must return to Canada...

Cloon: Well just in time mon ami...As "poutine" has been trending on the interwebs. What say you about this?

Pierre: Well to quote you, "this is excellent, most excellent".

Cloon: I has a big surprise for you!

Pierre: Did you get me declared a famous "cowboy"?

Cloon: I'm still working on that one...uh, sorry about that. But theese surprise is a good one, trust me on theese one.

Pierre: Ok, I can't take the suspense any longer...

Cloon: I used my celebrity status to get you into the World's First Poutine-Eating Contest in Toronto.

Pierre: C'est formidable!

Cloon: You will be one of three Canadian amateurs battling for the title of champion.

Pierre: Who are you calling an amateur?

Cloon: Well I couldn't gets you into the "professional" category because they'z only accepting eating professionals from the United States. But I think you can takes it in the amateur category.

Pierre: Bien sur!

Cloon: So I'd like you to start with getting the "visualizations" going. Think about eating as much poutine as possible within 10 minutes.

Pierre: Will do Cloon, will do.

Cloon: Audience, send Pierre Du Port some good vibes for winning, will ya?

PIERRE DU PORT FINISHES FILMING AUSSIE COWBOY & WESTERN MOVIE AND PRESENTS CLOON'S SECRET FINDINGS AT THE BIRDEE NUM NUM ESTABLISHMENT IN BRISBANE

Cloon: How are ya goin' little buddy?

Pierre: G'day Mate! C'est formidable!

Cloon: You've been very busy...can you let the Audience know what's been going on?

Pierre: Oui, oui. First of all, I had one of my dreams come true when I completed my walk-on role in a Cowboy & Western Movie in the Australian Outback.

Cloon: Wicked cool Christmas present, eh?

Pierre: That's right Cloon. I'll always be grateful to "Clooney Claus" for the best present ever!

Cloon: How did you prepare for your role?

Pierre: The book "Cowboys For Dummies" that you gave me at Christmas for all my hard work at Headquarters really paid off. And the fact that it was a "walk-on" role and I didn't have any lines really helped a lot as well.

Cloon: Excellent, excellent. Now the picture of you appears to have some green plants in the background... I thoughts the "Outback" was dry desert...

Pierre: Good observation Cloon. Well the Outback was actually green this year because of all the rain Australia's been having.

Cloon: Good, good. Now, most importantly...what was the reaction to my research paper: "Num-Nums: The Secret Laboratory Findings" which you presented at the 1st Annual Symposium On Feline Nutrition at the "Birdee Num Num" Establishment?

Pierre: The felines in attendance were gasping in astonishment. If "T.I.M." had been there, he would have had a permanent "silent meow".

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent. Was the "Birdee Num Num" an appropriate venue for the event?

Pierre: You couldn't have done a better job in scouting out a location to present your findings and hold the conference. Brilliant, really!

Cloon: Yes, theese one was a good one! Now, can you throw the Audience a bit of a bone about the information discussed at the Symposium?

Pierre: Actually, you had to be in attendance in order to be privy to the "information". Uh, sorry about that! Let's just say that there will be future pep rallies and demonstrations in the streets by Australian felines.

Cloon: Excellent work Pierre! I'z not a really good traveller so thanks for taking that "epic flight" Down Under for me. Remember folks, you heard it all here first...

PIERRE DU PORT HITS JACKPOT WITH RAINBOW LORIKEETS

Cloon: Hello there Pierre! Ok, I'z besides myself with suspense, did the lorikeets sign on for my Australia Zoo in Canada?

Pierre: She be right mate.

Cloon: I needs an Aussie translator. Can you speak in Spanish instead?

Pierre: Si, senor.

Cloon: Does that mean you'll speak in Spanish or that the parrots signed on?

Pierre: Just messin' with ya man! I learned from the best...uh that would be you Cloon.

Cloon: I know...karma's a *@##**!!! I learned all about it from "Stan". So, did you get theese ones to sign the contract?

Pierre: Oui, oui monsieur.

Cloon: Theese is excellent, most excellent. Did you give yourself a raise yet?

Pierre: Not yet, I'm still number crunching.

Cloon: How did you get the rainbow lorikeets to agree to leave such a warm climate for one that can be a bit frosty?

Pierre: Exactly. I told them that Canada can be a bit frosty.

Cloon: No seriously dude, how did you do it?

Pierre: Well, I said they would have unlimited bird seed, celebrity VIP status and of course season tickets to NHL hockey. It turns out they're all fans as well.

Cloon: It's a good thing I have "TIM" for connections.

Pierre: I think this is also going to involve a great deal of num-nums.

Cloon: That's what I'm afraid of. Well keep up the good work little buddy and have some Tim Tams on me, will ya?

Pierre: Seguro.

PIERRE DU PORT TAKES TIME FROM BUSY SCHEDULE TO ENJOY SYDNEY HARBOUR

Bonjour folks! C'est Pierre Du Port reporting live from Sydney harbour. I've taken the day off from recruiting for Cloon's Australia Zoo in Canada to see the iconic sight of the Sydney Opera House. I've enjoyed some didgeridoo at Circular Quay, toured "The Rocks" and done a bridge climb of the Harbour Bridge. Do not try this at home! You must have the right equipment and expert guidance. Of course felines and canines do not attempt this if you have a fear of heights as us "dog toys" are quite tough in this area. However, I must say that it was "wicked cool". Next I'm off on the ferry to Manly. I'll keep you all posted. And by the way, they need to start making "Tim Tams" in Canada...that's all I'm sayin'

PIERRE DU PORT ASSISTS LIFESAVERS AT BONDI BEACH

Well hello there Audience. This is Pierre Du Port reporting live from Bondi Beach, Australia. I am working on my Lifesavers Certification with the blokes out at Bondi and need to clock a number of volunteer hours. Pretty rough, huh? Sorry to rub it in. Bondi rocks! "The Baby" might start coming here instead of Cabo if he knew how cool it was. No sharks, blueys or blokes drowning today so I've been chillin' out. Well back to the job...Talk to you soon folks.

PIERRE DU PORT RECRUITS KANGAROOS FOR CLOON'S AUSTRALIA ZOO IN CANADA

Cloon: Joining me via skype once again is Pierre Du Port with some very exciting news folks. G'Day Pierre!

Pierre: Bonjour Cloon!

Cloon: We can't keep the Audience in suspense any longer. Go ahead Pierre tell them the most excellent news...

Pierre: I was taken on a kangaroo scouting trip to Merry Beach and I came upon this mob of 'roos shown above.

Cloon: Continue...

Pierre: Well, I was able to approach them quite closely as I am a dog toy after all and non-threatening. So, I gets real close and starts talking to them, making casual conversation, asking them how their day was going, what the weather had been like etc. etc. They were very taken with my accent and wanted to know where I was from. So I started to talk up Canada, the sirop d'erable, poutine, white Christmases, snowboarding at Whistler. I had them at snowboarding.

Cloon: Uh, Whistler is quite a distance from Clooney Credit Canada...

Pierre: Uh, sorry about that. You'll have to take them for a yearly trip.

Cloon: So what did they say about num-nums and moving to Canada permanently?

Pierre: Well, I really built you up Cloon. They are very interested in being associated with someone of your calibre. They said num-nums sound good because they're tired of cheerios. And of course when they found out they will be the only kangaroos in Canada, it was a done deal. They are quite excited about the celebrity status they will receive.

Cloon: So did they all sign the contract?

Pierre: They did indeed. Have Mr. L start working on the immigration papers.

Cloon: Excellent job Pierre! I'll see if the Secretary will give you a raise.

Pierre: Uh, that's me Cloon.

Cloon: Oh right, I forgot about that. So, are you willing to give yourself a raise then?

Pierre: Indeed Cloon, indeed...

STAY TUNED AUDIENCE FOR THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF PIERRE IN OZ....

PIERRE DU PORT ARRIVES IN THE LAND DOWN UNDER AND IS GREETED BY "AUSSIES" FLOWER AND CODY

Cloon: Joining me via skype is Pierre du Port. Bonjour Pierre!

Pierre: How are you going?

Cloon: You mean how's it going or how am I doing?

Pierre: No worries. It's "Aussie" lingo.

Cloon: How was that epic flight?

Pierre: Bloody long way Mate! And lots of turbulence in cargo.

Cloon: My Human put you in cargo?

Pierre: No worries Mate, I had a bit of jet lag though...

Cloon: Have you found poutine there yet?

Pierre: No, no poutine to be found. I'm eating fairy bread instead.

Cloon: What's fairy bread?

Pierre: It's white bread with butter and colored sprinkles on it. It's quite popular here.

Cloon: Sounds like something I need to get started in Canada...Bring back the recipe, will ya?

Pierre: Sure Mate.

Cloon: How's it going with the Aussie canines Flower (first photo) and Cody (second photo)? Did they try to give you a chew? You are a dog toy after all...

Pierre: They've been very polite. We all went on a horse carriage wine-tasting trip in the Hunter Valley. It was excellent, most excellent.

Cloon: Did you get any Aussie animals to sign contracts for the Australia Zoo in Canada yet?

Pierre: Not yet, but we soon are going to see some kangaroos in the wild. So it's looking hopeful.

Cloon: Excellent, excellent. Well keep us posted will ya?

Pierre: Will do Cloon, will do.

Cloon: Over and out...