TUNNEL CHASE TUESDAY

TUNNEL CHASE TUESDAY: O' TUNNEL, WHERE ART THOU?

 Well hello there felines.  So last week at the Num-Nums Taste Test, the "Inanimate Objects" were dropped from the suspect list in the case of my missing tunnel.  As it turns out, theese ones paid total attention to me as I discussed the rules and regulations of the (fake) Focus Group...their eyes did not wander to the fancy Easter Num-Nums display as in the case of the "Real McCoys".  The "Real McCoys" side of the room was real bad news as they was totally distracted by the display thus playing right into my paws regarding my theory of the Tunnel Thief Suspect being food-motivated...

 For Part 2 of the Num-Nums Taste Test, I decided to approach each one of the remaining "7 Unusual Suspects" one-on-one to get as accurate a "Mentalist" reading as possible...

"Unusual Suspect" #1 - Neytiri:

 

When questioned about her interest in the Easter Num-Nums display, Neytiri replied that she was actually "critiquing" the set-up as she saw a few dust bunnies lingering around it and thought it quite "unpurr-fessional" and amateurish..

  
She is the usual display-builder at Headquarters and is quite skilled and talented at this as the above picture demonstrates...

It was clear to me that Neytiri had no actual interest in the Num-Nums themselves as she is a kibble-head and she has been cleared off the list of  "Unusual Suspects". 


"Unusual Suspect" #2 - Stan The World's Smallest Sheep:

When questioned about his interest in the Easter Num-Nums display, Stan replied that the
nesting material looked very comfy-cozy and he was wondering where he could get some to soften the ground for his next nap...When further asked if he was anxious to get the Taste Test underway, he responded that he was a strict vegetarian who only ate leaves (washed down with a bit of cerveza)...

The above photo proves how serious Stan is about his leaves as he tries to steal them from other critters...Stan is now cleared off the list of "Unusual Suspects"...

"Unusual Suspect" #3 - Ducky's Relatives:

When questioned about their interest in the Easter Num-Nums display, Ducky's Relatives  replied that they found the "contents" of the Num-Nums deeply disturbing:

When further questioned about why they showed-up for the Focus Group, they stated that Ducky had invited them to go for a swim in the "big pool" as pictured below...

Ducky's Relatives have now been cleared off the list of "Unusual Suspects"...


"Unusual Suspect" #4 - My Long-Lost Cousin Cloonski Ogorki:

When questioned about his interest in the Easter Num-Nums display, Cloonski Ogorki replied that he had taken the red eye in all the way from Old Country and was shocked to see that his favorite Num-Nums were not part of the Taste Test...

When Cloonski had been invited to be part of a prior Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge (as in the above photo), Fancy Feast Turkey Num-Nums were featured and he only eats theese ones...

As my tunnel has NEVER produced Fancy Feast Turkey Num-Nums, my long-lost cousin Cloonski Ogorki has now been cleared off the list of "Unusual Suspects"...

 Thus leaving us with...

"The Final 3 Unusual Suspects":
  
 1) The Woofie From Next Door

2) Clooney Claus's Deers

3) Varmit The Marmot

Just as I was about to question "The Final 3 Unusual Suspects", the doorbell at Headquarters rang...

Two goats showed up for the (fake) Focus Group...They had travelled all the way from the countryside after seeing my poster advertising the Num-Nums Taste Test and had worked up quite an appetite...

I had to break the news to them that the Focus Group was now closed as we had reached the maximum number of Purr-ticipants.  They were very disappointed and asked if they could take a nap in the backyard of Headquarters before starting on their long journey back, to which of course I agreed. 

Then all of a sudden, I took a peek out the window and witnessed...

...the goats eating my Ogopogo that was landscaped for me last year by the Marmots!  Oy, yoy, yoy!  Excuse me Audience, I has to go put a stop to theese and I will see y'all next week as I deal with "The Final 3 Unusual Suspects"...

Join us next TUESDAY felines for our new series "Tunnel Chase Tuesday".

TUNNEL CHASE TUESDAY

TUNNEL CHASE TUESDAY: O' TUNNEL, WHERE ART THOU?

Well hello there felines.  So last week, I was advised by my old friend Private Eye Von Ice to make a list of suspects that could have had something to do with the disappearance of my tunnel.  

There was a list of 13 Unusual Suspects...  

Private Eye Von Ice then instructed me to gather all the suspects in one room at the same time...I came up with the bright idea to hold a "fake" Focus Group in order to lure the suspects to Headquarters without them getting suspicious...

I made posters to advertise a Num-Nums Taste Test at Headquarters and asked for Focus Group Purr-ticipants...

I put up signs at the side of the road giving directions and advertising the Taste Test...

I even built a fancy Easter display of Num-Nums complete with the Easter chick...

Uh, I had to cross out the word "Chicken" on the Num-Nums can as I didn't want to scare the little chick away...

Then I got into my official CEO outfit and waited patiently at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada...

Sure enough, the "Unusual Suspects" started to filter in to Headquarters for the "Focus Group"...

All 13 of them congregated in the foyer eagerly anticipating the promised goods...

Private Eye Von Ice was also in attendance in his famous "Na'vi" disguise...He told me that his "sniffer" would help me sniff out the serious suspects...

Private Eye had an idea to separate the suspects into two groups in order to observe them more easily.  I called out their names and unbeknownst to them all we organized them by "Inanimate Objects" on one side of the room and "The Real McCoys" on the other...

(Uh, please don't tell Ducky that he is an "Inanimate Object", the little guy supposedly drinks beer and everything!)

You see Audience, when Private Eye told me last week to get my "Mentalist" on and channel my inner "Patrick Jane", I gots to thinking about the motivations of the suspect who has taken my magic cat tunnel.  Y'all know that many cool things have appeared in my tunnel and ALOT of food has appeared over the years.  There's been KFC, ham, whipping cream, Chinese food take-out, red velvet cupcakes, salmon jerky and other cat treats, crunchie kibbles, CASES of Num-Nums and of course there's been cold, hard cash wherein the suspect could buy all the food they wanted...

So using my superior mental abilities, I have come to the conclusion that the suspect is food-motivated!  And I decided to test the theory at the Taste Test...

As I explained the rules and regulations of the Focus Group, Private Eye kept a close eye on all the Purr-ticipants noting who was paying attention to me and who had the wandering eye looking to the Easter display of Num-Nums...

Private Eye Von Ice then circulated through the group giving each Purr-ticipant aka "suspect" a final sniff.

The "Real McCoy" side of the room unanimously failed the test!  It was duly noted that the following Purr-ticipants were NOT able to divert their gaze from the Easter Num-Nums display and therefore they have become...

"The Final 7 Unusual Suspects":

Neytiri 

Stan The World's Smallest Sheep

Varmit The Marmot

My Long-Lost Cousin Cloonski Ogorki

Clooney Claus's Deers

The Woofie From Next Door

Ducky's Relatives

Join me next TUESDAY felines for Tunnel Chase Tuesday and Part 2 of the Num-Nums Taste Test where things really get interesting!

TIM AND "THE CHALLENGER" (OFFICIAL JUDGES OF THE NUM-NUMS TASTE TEST CHALLENGE) TABULATE THE FINAL RESULTS...

The Audience at Headquarters is buzzing with excitement and speculation regarding the final poll results of the Taste Test Challenge. Bets have been waged and now felines worldwide are holding their breath until "The Challenger" does his official little dance and TIM gives the secret signal signifying that the results are in...

TIM:

"The Challenger": (Performing a stiff rap dance) It is official...TIM has mouthed a silent meow and moonwalked across the studio...The results are in!!!....

TIM: It's a shocker...Folks! Those felines who have bet on the long shot with Vegas will soon be buying their own private islands in the South Pacific and enjoying leisurely days of endless bird-watching...(Throw me a couple of pebbles will ya and invite me to stay on as your permanent house guest)...

"The Challenger": Yo Yo TIM, the results are in...Let's git on wit it...

TIM: Drum roll please...It's official...The winner of the World's First Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge sponsored by Clooney Credit Canada is..."A"... Here to reveal the identity of Num-Nums "A" is Cloon...

Cloon: Hello, hello, hello my furry little friends. Hold onto your britches...theese one is a good one! Are you all ready? Without further adieu, I say, "Will the REAL Num-Nums Please Step Forward"...

The Audience is out of control with excitement, cheering "CLOON, CLOON, CLOON"...

Cloon: The REAL Num-Nums is my original Num-Nums...Wellness Beef and Chicken Formula...

There is a mixed reaction in the Audience, some felines are doing the samba while others gasp in astonishment with their mouths open...There is only one thing left to do...Cloon proceeds to the Vault to get his secret laboratory findings and hold his official press conference...

Suddenly, the alarm system at Headquarters is sounded and Cloon emerges from the Vault with a very serious look on his face.

Cloon: Attention Everyone! My secret laboratory findings have been stolen from the Vault...There is only one canine who can assist me...This is a job for Private Eye Von Ice...

CLOON EXITS STAGE LEFT TO PLACE A CALL TO VON ICE ENTERPRISES...

TO BE CONTINUED...

CLOON'S COUSIN "CLOONSKI OGORKI" VISITS FROM OLD COUNTRY

I'z Cloon's cousin from Old Country. I'z gets call from Cloon real late in night. Sayz takes airplanz to Canada to participatz in Num-Nums Taste Test Challenges. Cloon (blesses heez little heart) says I'z can takes some of left-over Num-Nums from Challenge backs to Old Country with me. I'z very excitable for good opportunities like theese one. I'z not let Cloon down. I'z makes, how you call it, "correct choices on ballot"...

Cloon: ZzDRAST-vet-yah...cousin!

Cloonski: Hello! You makz me so proudz my little boyz...greetingz me in my mother tongue...

Cloon: It's the miracle of the interwebs...I'z been studying many languages...You know cousin, you bear quite a striking resemblance to me. If I didn't already have a twin in the land down under, you might have qualified. Uh, sorry about that!

Cloonski: I'z, how you call it, "flattering and honored"... to looks like you...

Cloon: How was your flight? Any jet lag? Uh...you needs to be in a good frame of mind for the Taste Test. Are you ready to proceed?

Cloonski: No problemz...I hadz my flask of "potato water" with me on airplanz and I feelz like, how you call it, "a million buckz". But, I do haz to use the "premises" before we getz started...

Cloon: That will be a toon please...

Cloonski: Will you takz "zloty"? I'z did not exchangez my money yet...

Cloon: Let's make the proper conversion, shall we? On xe.com it says that you owes me 5.2 zloty.

Cloonski: No problemz...

CLOON TAKES THE "ZLOTY" TO THE VAULT WHILE CLOONSKI CONDUCTS HIS "BUSINESS"...FINALLY CLOONSKI EMERGES AGAIN...FOR THE TASTE TEST

Cloon: Now cousin, please proceed to taste both samples of Num-Nums. I encourage you to take your time, slowly savoring each one on your palate. When you are ready, I need you to put a paw print on the ballot next to either "A"or "B", whichever Num-Nums you liked better. Pierre Du Port is coming around with an ink pad as we speak.

AGAIN HEADQUARTERS IS FILLED WITH SUSPENSE AND THERE IS A DRUM ROLL...

Cloon: It is official. "Cloonski Ogorki" has chosen Num-Nums "A".

TUNE IN FOR THE OFFICIAL RESULTS OF THE NUM-NUMS TASTE TEST CHALLENGE AND CLOON'S PRESS CONFERENCE...

DUE TO AN OVERWHELMING TURNOUT...NUM-NUMS TASTE TEST CHALLENGE EXTENDS INTO THIS WEEK...
Felines from around the world camped outside the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada for a chance to participate in the history-making event of the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge.
What follows is a interview clip with Miss Stormy Weathers-Nanny of the Love Babies:

Cloon: Thank you for your participaction in the Num-Nums Taste Test. It must be a well-deserved little break for you...I hear "nannying" is a tough gig...

Miss S: Affirmative. However, right now all of the Love Babies are underneath a couch somewhere...I've lost track of them, I must admit...

Cloon: Uh, is that even allowed? I mean aren't there any regulatory bodies involved in theese "nannying"?

Miss S: Well, I won't tell anyone if you don't...(Miss Stormy starts doing the infamous laugh of "Girlfriend" HeHeHeHe...HeHeHeHe...)

Cloon: You're my kind of woman! Do you wants to go out on a date?

Miss S: Uh, no actually. Being a bachelor at your age can only spell trouble...Besides I prefer Maine Coons.

Cloon: Trust me, he's not interested...

Miss S: We'll see about that...

Cloon: Let's get on with the Taste Test, shall we? Now, Miss Stormy I need you to put a paw print on the ballot next to either "A"or "B", whichever Num-Nums you liked better. Pierre Du Port is coming around with an ink pad as we speak.

The anticipation and suspense is wreaking havoc on the Audience of felines in attendance....Cloon pounds his little paw for "Order in the Court".

Cloon: It is official. Miss Stormy has chosen Num-Nums "A".

Tune in this week Audience as we continue to reveal the findings...

**BREAKING NEWS BULLETIN FROM HEADQUARTERS...
CLOON MAKES IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY...**
Well hello there Audience. I'z been in my secret research laboratory day and night analyzing the above specimens (see photo). It came to my attention, during "Girlfriend's" illness, that a very important piece of information had been withheld from me by my Human. Apparently, there was an "original" Num-Nums that I had never been exposed to nor fed. Theese one is called "Fancy Feast Sliced Turkey Feast". It came out of the woodwork when my Human was trying to get "Girlfriend" to eat a little something and apparently it's a favorite of many felines worldwide. In fact, most will eat theese one when they refuse to eat anything else. Of course, I took an immediate liking to it and tried to eat all of "Girlfriend's" portions as well. I even boycotted my original Num-Nums when theese new one disappeared from Headquarters after "Girlfriend" went to kitty heaven. That's right...you heard me correctly folks. Imagine that...me boycotting me own Num-Nums that I love so much. So, an interesting phenomenon took place recently when my Human returned with a couple cans of the "stuff". I tooks it into my research laboratory and instantly began performing a scientific analysis of it, comparing it to my normal (healthy) Num-Nums. I'z been charting the statistical results, graphing them and applying algorithms and I'z come up with some very significant classified information. I'z going to be holding a press conference at the end of this week and revealing to the world my secret findings.

In the meantime, gather around felines...this is very important...I will be holding a week-long blind taste test and Num-Num's taste challenge this week at Headquarters. Felines can contact Pierre Du Port (Acting Secretary of Clooney Credit Canada) and TIM (Pink Nose Society Secretary & Acting President) to book a time slot for this challenge at Headquarters. Now felines, come on out and participate...theese one is a very important event...you will be part of making history...In closing, I say:
"WILL THE "REAL" NUM-NUMS PLEASE STEP FORWARD"...