TUNNEL CHASE TUESDAY

TUNNEL CHASE TUESDAY: O' TUNNEL, WHERE ART THOU?

Well hello there felines.  So last week, I was advised by my old friend Private Eye Von Ice to make a list of suspects that could have had something to do with the disappearance of my tunnel.  

There was a list of 13 Unusual Suspects...  

Private Eye Von Ice then instructed me to gather all the suspects in one room at the same time...I came up with the bright idea to hold a "fake" Focus Group in order to lure the suspects to Headquarters without them getting suspicious...

I made posters to advertise a Num-Nums Taste Test at Headquarters and asked for Focus Group Purr-ticipants...

I put up signs at the side of the road giving directions and advertising the Taste Test...

I even built a fancy Easter display of Num-Nums complete with the Easter chick...

Uh, I had to cross out the word "Chicken" on the Num-Nums can as I didn't want to scare the little chick away...

Then I got into my official CEO outfit and waited patiently at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada...

Sure enough, the "Unusual Suspects" started to filter in to Headquarters for the "Focus Group"...

All 13 of them congregated in the foyer eagerly anticipating the promised goods...

Private Eye Von Ice was also in attendance in his famous "Na'vi" disguise...He told me that his "sniffer" would help me sniff out the serious suspects...

Private Eye had an idea to separate the suspects into two groups in order to observe them more easily.  I called out their names and unbeknownst to them all we organized them by "Inanimate Objects" on one side of the room and "The Real McCoys" on the other...

(Uh, please don't tell Ducky that he is an "Inanimate Object", the little guy supposedly drinks beer and everything!)

You see Audience, when Private Eye told me last week to get my "Mentalist" on and channel my inner "Patrick Jane", I gots to thinking about the motivations of the suspect who has taken my magic cat tunnel.  Y'all know that many cool things have appeared in my tunnel and ALOT of food has appeared over the years.  There's been KFC, ham, whipping cream, Chinese food take-out, red velvet cupcakes, salmon jerky and other cat treats, crunchie kibbles, CASES of Num-Nums and of course there's been cold, hard cash wherein the suspect could buy all the food they wanted...

So using my superior mental abilities, I have come to the conclusion that the suspect is food-motivated!  And I decided to test the theory at the Taste Test...

As I explained the rules and regulations of the Focus Group, Private Eye kept a close eye on all the Purr-ticipants noting who was paying attention to me and who had the wandering eye looking to the Easter display of Num-Nums...

Private Eye Von Ice then circulated through the group giving each Purr-ticipant aka "suspect" a final sniff.

The "Real McCoy" side of the room unanimously failed the test!  It was duly noted that the following Purr-ticipants were NOT able to divert their gaze from the Easter Num-Nums display and therefore they have become...

"The Final 7 Unusual Suspects":

Neytiri 

Stan The World's Smallest Sheep

Varmit The Marmot

My Long-Lost Cousin Cloonski Ogorki

Clooney Claus's Deers

The Woofie From Next Door

Ducky's Relatives

Join me next TUESDAY felines for Tunnel Chase Tuesday and Part 2 of the Num-Nums Taste Test where things really get interesting!

TUNNEL TUESDAY

TUNNEL TUESDAY: O TUNNEL, WHERE ART THOU?

Well hello there felines.  So we left you all with a bit of a cliff-hanger last week when I discovered that my tunnel was missing and that it had vanished into thin air...

Some of the Audience was trying to cheer me up by suggesting it might just be an April Fools'  joke that was pulled on me...

But I am sad to report that it was not.  My tunnel is really gone...

After partaking of some good nip, I had the bright idea to call someone who might just be able to help me find my tunnel...

I looked into my Little Black Book and found the number of "Von Ice Enterprises"...

And I dialed my old friend Mr. L also known as Private Eye Malhaven Leopold Von Ice...

When I called, Private Eye Von Ice was in the middle of his weekly drumming circle and there was quite a ruckus in the background...

I gave him the information that my tunnel had disappeared and asked for his professional investigative advice...

He instructed me to make a list of suspects who had filtered through Headquarters in the past year, gather them all in one room at the same time, sniff them all...

and then go "mental" on them by unleashing my inner "Patrick Jane"...

Here's my list of "The Unusual Suspects":

Mini-Cloon

Ducky

Neytiri

(She's looking rather shifty there, dontcha think?  She said she was trying to decide on the best angle for her mugshot...)

Stan The World's Smallest Sheep

Varmit The Marmot

My Long-Lost Cousin Cloonski Ogorki

The Elves

Clooney Claus's Deers

The Woofie From Next Door

Ducky's Relatives

"The Baby"

The Smurfs

Pierre Du Port

Now Audience, feel free to leave your ideas and suspicions below in the comments and fasten your seat belts because it's going to be one wild ride...
a wild tunnel chase...

Join me next TUESDAY felines for our new series "Tunnel Chase Tuesday".

SPYCAT IS BUSTED AND THE SECRET LABORATORY FINDINGS ARE RETURNED TO CLOON

On location at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada we join Private Eye Von Ice and Cloon via an in-progress interview:

Cloon: Thanks my Boy! I knew I could count on that schnozzle of yours!

Private Eye: Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?

Cloon: You know...you has a good honker...snout...ok in your Mother Tongue...schnauze.

Private Eye: Oh, my nose! Yes, it is a good one. It is my chief weapon in my investigative line of work.

Cloon: Please tell the Audience how you found the culprit whole stole my report.

Private Eye: First of all, I secured the perimeter and checked for any possible distractions such as birds or squirrels. Unfortunately, the weather was very cold and they were all frozed up so I didn't have any entertainment. So I got serious and started to sniff all around the outside of Headquarters in each direction. I then picked up a feline scent that went directly from your front door in a diagonal direction to the house across the way. I donned my "Girl Guide" disguise and rang the doorbell pretending to sell cookies. A feline answered the front door and requested the vanilla Girl Guide cookies saying those ones were the best. We then shook paws and suddenly I remembered a certain CSI episode. So I pulled out my UV black light and shone it on the feline's paws revealing the same invisible ink that you told me was on your Secret Laboratory Findings report. Busted...the feline then revealed that after days of trying to book a time slot for the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge and always getting a busy signal, they decided to take things into their own paws, so to speak. The feline then snuck into Headquarters when the line for the Challenge was at its peak and Pierre the doorman was distracted. They then proceeded to convince the Assembly Line Elves that they were from Price Waterhouse (the official accounting firm of the Challenge) and needed to get into the Vault to collect the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge ballots. Having only the intention of gorging on the supply of Num-Nums within the Vault, it was then that they saw the report and basically absconded with it.

Cloon: Excellent Detective Work Private Eye! Now, did the feline willingly hand over the report or did you need to employ other tactics?

Private Eye: The feline handed over a written demand of one month of free Num-Nums, a personal tour of the Clooneymobile Assembly Line and a VIP pass for future events at Headquarters in exchange for the safe return of the report. We shook paws and the feline promptly handed over the report.

Cloon: I guess that's a small price to pay for all my secret research. Do you have anything else to add to this?

Private Eye: The feline admits to spying on Headquarters on a regular basis through their window as they are bored and many interesting things appear to go on here.

Cloon: (Dabbing a fake tear) Poor SpyCat. Due to security concerns, I will not be holding a press conference but instead have this announcement:

ATTENTION EVERYONE: I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO PRESENT MY SECRET FINDINGS REPORT AT THE 1ST ANNUAL SYMPOSIUM ON FELINE NUTRITION AT THE BIRDEE NUM-NUMS ESTABLISHMENT IN BRISBANE AUSTRALIA IN SPRING OF 2010.

In closing I say, "G'day Mates!"

PRIVATE EYE VON ICE RETURNS FROM ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO "SQUIRREL SANCTUARY"

No sooner did the limo drop Private Eye and "'The Baby" back at Von Ice Enterprises did another call come in from Cloon at Headquarters...

Cloon: Hello Private Eye. I urgently require your services. But first things first, how was your trip?

Private Eye: It was simply marvelous. We were treated like celebrities. "The Baby" being a bit of a connoisseur said that the champagne we were served in the limo was top notch. We did get into a bit of trouble on the way there when "The Baby" lifted his blindfold and tried to peek at the exact location of the "Squirrel Sanctuary" which, of course, is secret. When we arrived I was able to assist the Sanctuary staff in the daily squirrel feeding of peanuts. This was very exciting! I then had to go back inside and observe the squirrels in their natural habitat from some very excellent windows. There were many sightings. "The Baby" carefully monitored me for hyperventilation, but I made it through. It was like being in "squirrel heaven". I bought myself a squirrel nutcracker from the gift shop as a souvenir. The BBQ steak bone I was given for the trip back was also most excellent. All in all, I would definitely recommend this trip to all canines out there.

Cloon: Well now that all the pleasantries are out of the way, let's get down to business, shall we? I'm sending my driver for you. My Secret Laboratory Findings on Num-Nums have been stolen from the vault at Headquarters. I need you to secure the perimeter and do some sniffing around. Come prepared for long days and nights of investigation. Theese one is a serious matter. With your nose, I expect the culprit to be found.

Private Eye: At your service Cloon. I'll get to the bottom of this...

PRIVATE EYE GATHERS HIS EQUIPMENT AND ANY DISGUISES HE MAY NEED AND AWAITS PICK-UP...