CLOONEY'S NUM-NUM FUND...FROM THE VERY BEGINNING...PART 2:

Hello folks. Now it is time for Part 2 of my story and to introduce some other important "characters" that have been part of my blog... Theese above Canine is Mr. L. He is holding his special friend and favorite dog toy aka his "Baby". I first interviewed Mr. L a long time ago. http://bit.ly/dgXDlj "The Baby" is a VERY INTERESTING CHARACTER. He had broken Mr. L's heart a while back by running away from home thus leaving Mr. L very lonely. http://bit.ly/bPauSD "The Baby" also joined a renegade biker gang and I had to travel to Albuquerque to find him and bring him back home. After "The Baby" and I got our kicks on Route 66, I tricked him, hypnotized him, put him in a suitcase in cargo and brought him back to Canada. Mr. L and him were happily reunited. Mr. L and "The Baby" are big fans of Elvis and perform Elvis Impersonation concerts. When I needs investigative work done, I use the services of Mr. L, who is also known as Private Eye Malhaven Leopold Von Ice.
He has a good nose and when he doesn't get sidetracked by "squirrels" he does some excellent work. http://bit.ly/df9x8J

One day a basket was dropped off on the doorstep of Mr. L's home. That's when Miss Story Weathers entered the picture. http://bit.ly/cwtfGO Miss Stormy was also involved in my Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge. http://bit.ly/cAX4oZ

Another key event was when Mr. L and I received a call from Montreal asking for our help in rescuing a dog toy out of the canal. Theese dog toy is a smaller version of "The Baby" and his name is "Pierre Du Port" (see above photo). Pierre had a fascination with cowboys so he decided to come back to the "wild west" with me and live at Headquarters helping me out with secretarial duties. In the spring of theese year, Pierre also travelled to Australia with my Human and he presented my research paper: "Num-Nums: The Secret Laboratory Findings" at the 1st Annual Symposium On Feline Nutrition . As well, Pierre has been recruiting animals from Oz for my Australia Zoo in Canada. http://bit.ly/aq29xa

With Pierre Du Port away Down Under for so long, I was getting really behind in my work at Headquarters. Those Elves need lots of supervising and the switchboard is really busy with calls for our various services and questions about Clooneymobiles...So my Human decided to finds me a new Secretary to run things behind the scenes. She found theese little one above. Her name is Princess Neytiri and she is from the Ragdoll Clan. http://bit.ly/bzEdLb

I'm glad to have her help with "organizing" things at Headquarters. She's been implementing a Bootcamp for our employees to try to increase efficiency. http://bit.ly/dj4enT We'z had excellent results with the "Office Management", "Assembly Line Production", and "Fundraising and PR" components of the Bootcamp so far. Now Secretary Neytiri will be moving onto the "Esthetics" and "Bedazzling" modules with our employees.

I hopes I made my blog storylines a little less confusing for new Audience members by doing a 2-Part Review. My favorite part of blogging is to tell theese stories and hopefully provides some entertainment for Felines, Humans and...Canines.

MR. L & "THE BABY" PROTEST FOR IMMIGRATION VISAS FOR CLOON'S AUSTRALIA ZOO IN CANADA

Cloon: Joining me via cellphone from Ottawa are Mr. L and "The Baby". Greetings to you both.

"The Baby": Thank you. Thank you very much.

Cloon: So, let's get this straight...The two of you have been staging a protest at the Government Headquarters on Parliament Hill.

Mr. L: Affirmative.

Cloon: Is this part of the strategy of trying to get the visas for my Zoo approved?

"The Baby": Exactamundo. The bribes didn't work. It turns out this ain't ME-HI-CO, Muchacho.

Cloon: Did you try to upsell with tequila, plastic surgery connections or free Elvis voice-coaching lessons?

Mr. L: Yes, we pulled out all the stops in the "bribe" department, but it was a no go, leading us to resort to different methods of conduct, hence staging a protest.

Cloon: Do you need me to send for my cousin from Old Country, "The Babushka Cat Hot Dog Vendor" to sell some hot dogs and sauerkraut on the protest lines?

"The Baby": There's a lack of "premises" here, aka porta-potties, so it's not a good idea. Besides the masses have been satisfied with our Elvis impersonation performances...We're developing quite a good fan base in Ottawa.

Cloon: Excellent, but back to the matter at hand. What is the biggest obstacle to the visas being approved for my Australia Zoo in Canada?

"The Baby": The immigration officials say that the results on the official language proficiency test are not high enough for all the visa applicants.

Cloon: I'z a bit confused. I was under the impression that Strine is similar enough to English for the animals to get a passing grade on their language tests.

"The Baby": They need improvement on their French marks for the visas to be approved.

Cloon: I'll send Pierre Du Port in cargo ASAP to 'Stralia to tutor the animals in French. I needs a soft opening on my Zoo in the New Year. Thanks Boys. Keep up the good work on the protest just in case it works in the meantime.

"The Baby": Thank you. Thank you very much. Oops gotta go, Mr. L just had a "squirrel sighting" on the lawns of Parliament and we are about to perform another Elvis concert for the masses. Adios Amigo.

Cloon: Hasta luego, Muchacho!

CLOON'S HUMAN RECRUITS BABY WOMBAT

Cloon: Hello there Audience. I has my Human on the phone and she has some very exciting news! Go ahead, let's not keep them in suspense any longer...

Cloon's Human: First of all, how is "the last man standing"?

Cloon: Most excellent. I gets the "royal treatment" at "Squirrel Sanctuary".

Cloon's Human: Well I miss you my little man. Now without further delay, the exciting news...the baby wombat has signed on for your Australia Zoo in Canada.

Cloon: Excellent job. What are the conditions of the contract?

Cloon's Human: She requests an air conditioned burrow with good feng shui and a home theatre system and monthly "shopping sprees" at Winners.

Cloon: Those ladies are high maintenance! I'll get Private Eye's pocket gophers to start on the construction of the burrow immediately. Now it looks like the little wombat is pretty cuddly...I finds myself a bit jealous because you know I likes having your cuddles to myself.

Cloon's Human: Don't worry Cloon...you're still the cuddliest of all...you little "stuffed animal".

Cloon: You know I likes my flattery! Hurry home so I can start up my crazy antics for num-nums again, will ya?

Cloon's Human: Will do, Cloon. Will do.

Cloon: Audience...donate to the Num-Num Fund now and get yourself at the top of the waiting list for "cuddling the baby wombat photo". Phone lines are now open at 1-800-WOM-BATS...

Act soon to avoid disappointment.

CLOON TO BE REUNITED WITH KOALA TWIN AS KOALAS SIGN CONTRACT FOR THE AUSTRALIA ZOO IN CANADA

Hello, hello, hello everyone! I'z very excited to share the news with you that theese ones above have signed on for my Australia Zoo in Canada. At last my koala twin and I will be reunited and be able to hang out together. Apparently what closed the deal was the koalas learning that Headquarters will soon have access to all the latest digital TV channels. Theese ones told Pierre that if they were able to entertain themselves with such programs as Iron Chef America and Diners Drive-Ins and Dives as well as all the reality TV they can get their paws on, they would not sleep for 20 hours a day. I have signed off on a list of guaranteed programming for the koalas which includes: Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, The Bachelor, and American Idol (now that Ellen is a judge). Does anyone in the Audience know where I can get an unlimited supply of fresh eucalyptus leaves? Minor detail...off to my Secret Research Laboratory I go...

PIERRE DU PORT HITS JACKPOT WITH RAINBOW LORIKEETS

Cloon: Hello there Pierre! Ok, I'z besides myself with suspense, did the lorikeets sign on for my Australia Zoo in Canada?

Pierre: She be right mate.

Cloon: I needs an Aussie translator. Can you speak in Spanish instead?

Pierre: Si, senor.

Cloon: Does that mean you'll speak in Spanish or that the parrots signed on?

Pierre: Just messin' with ya man! I learned from the best...uh that would be you Cloon.

Cloon: I know...karma's a *@##**!!! I learned all about it from "Stan". So, did you get theese ones to sign the contract?

Pierre: Oui, oui monsieur.

Cloon: Theese is excellent, most excellent. Did you give yourself a raise yet?

Pierre: Not yet, I'm still number crunching.

Cloon: How did you get the rainbow lorikeets to agree to leave such a warm climate for one that can be a bit frosty?

Pierre: Exactly. I told them that Canada can be a bit frosty.

Cloon: No seriously dude, how did you do it?

Pierre: Well, I said they would have unlimited bird seed, celebrity VIP status and of course season tickets to NHL hockey. It turns out they're all fans as well.

Cloon: It's a good thing I have "TIM" for connections.

Pierre: I think this is also going to involve a great deal of num-nums.

Cloon: That's what I'm afraid of. Well keep up the good work little buddy and have some Tim Tams on me, will ya?

Pierre: Seguro.

CLOON'S HUMAN RECRUITS COCKATOO FOR CLOON'S ZOO

Hello there Audience. I'z gots some very exciting news for you all. My Human has gotten a cockatoo to sign the contract for my Australia Zoo in Canada. She met theese one on The Great Ocean Road in the state of Victoria. When told that we have copious amounts of wild bird seed back at Headquarters, the cockatoo signed on immediately. The cockatoo also aspires to take on some secretarial duties at Clooney Credit Canada as she has always dreamed of advancing her career in theese area. The trip "Down Under" is shaping up to be quite the success as many animals are keen to see a "White Christmas".

STAY TUNED FOR MORE UPDATES...

CLOON RECEIVES SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM HIS HUMAN FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD

Well hello there Audience. I'z very excited today as I just received the above message from my Human. Theese one is a good one! I'z been staying at "Squirrel Sanctuary" while my Human and Pierre Du Port have been scouting out animals "Downunder" for my Australian Zoo in Canada. It's too bad I can't be with them, but I don't travel that well and I had to continue with my Clooneymobile operations here back home. The Assembly Line Elves are really high maintenance and need constant supervision. I has to make sure they don't take too many Num-Num breaks and slow up the production of the assembly line. As well as getting animals to sign contracts for the zoo, Pierre has also been handing out flyers for the Clooneymobile and we have been getting numerous enquiries. Theese has been excellent, most excellent! I just has to get the elves to figure out how to put the steering wheel on the other side of the Clooneymobile. They'z been doing some extra brainstorming on theese one. Well folks, I gots to get back to my squirrel watching... Rumor has it that Mr. L is quite jealous...

TIM JOINS PIERRE IN QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA

Cloon: Joining me via skype is "TIM" on location at the Great Barrier Reef, Australia.
Hello TIM, what is going on?


TIM: I'm just relaxing after a full day at the reef watching fish.

Cloon: Did you get to see some good ones?


TIM: Definitely, most definitely!


Cloon: Do you still prefer birds or are you converted to fish now?


TIM: Well I must admit I was very impressed with the spectacular colors and variety of shapes and sizes. It was very entertaining...But no, I still am a bird fan.


Cloon: Did you have a chance to promote the "Pink Nose Society" so far in Australia?


TIM: Yes I most certainly did. I was able to get some contributions to my birdwatching fund.


Cloon: Now who are the creatures beside you?


TIM: They'z a couple of mates I met out on the reef. They came back to land with me for a brewski and to discuss hockey. It turns out they're big fans.


Cloon: Fans of beer or hockey?

TIM: Uh that would be hockey Cloon.

Cloon: Do you think you can bring them back to Canada with you for my zoo?


TIM: Not sure about that mate...they'z pretty happy out on the reef, it's a pretty good quality of life.


Cloon: You could tell them you'll take them to an Oilers game...


TIM: Yep, that might work. I'll get back to ya on that one...


Cloon: Excellent...keep us posted, will ya? Over and out.


TIM: Over and out.

PIERRE DU PORT RECRUITS KANGAROOS FOR CLOON'S AUSTRALIA ZOO IN CANADA

Cloon: Joining me via skype once again is Pierre Du Port with some very exciting news folks. G'Day Pierre!

Pierre: Bonjour Cloon!

Cloon: We can't keep the Audience in suspense any longer. Go ahead Pierre tell them the most excellent news...

Pierre: I was taken on a kangaroo scouting trip to Merry Beach and I came upon this mob of 'roos shown above.

Cloon: Continue...

Pierre: Well, I was able to approach them quite closely as I am a dog toy after all and non-threatening. So, I gets real close and starts talking to them, making casual conversation, asking them how their day was going, what the weather had been like etc. etc. They were very taken with my accent and wanted to know where I was from. So I started to talk up Canada, the sirop d'erable, poutine, white Christmases, snowboarding at Whistler. I had them at snowboarding.

Cloon: Uh, Whistler is quite a distance from Clooney Credit Canada...

Pierre: Uh, sorry about that. You'll have to take them for a yearly trip.

Cloon: So what did they say about num-nums and moving to Canada permanently?

Pierre: Well, I really built you up Cloon. They are very interested in being associated with someone of your calibre. They said num-nums sound good because they're tired of cheerios. And of course when they found out they will be the only kangaroos in Canada, it was a done deal. They are quite excited about the celebrity status they will receive.

Cloon: So did they all sign the contract?

Pierre: They did indeed. Have Mr. L start working on the immigration papers.

Cloon: Excellent job Pierre! I'll see if the Secretary will give you a raise.

Pierre: Uh, that's me Cloon.

Cloon: Oh right, I forgot about that. So, are you willing to give yourself a raise then?

Pierre: Indeed Cloon, indeed...

STAY TUNED AUDIENCE FOR THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF PIERRE IN OZ....

CLOON HIRES ASSISTANT "CODY" IN THE LAND DOWN UNDER TO SCOUT ANIMALS FOR HIS 'AUSTRALIA ZOO IN CANADA'

Cloon: Well hello there Audience. Happy Ukrainian New Year! (We likes theese one because it gives us procrastinators a couple of extra weeks to gets our resolutions together.) Joining me via skype today from Australia, for a little interview, is my new Assistant Miss Cody. Welcome aboard Miss Cody!

Cody: G'Day Mate!

Cloon: Now tell us a bit about yourself. What are your favorite hobbies?

Cody: I enjoy sunbaking, romantic walks along the beach, days at the spa, barbies, and catching a wave.

Cloon: Excellent, excellent. Sounds about right. Can you teach me to surf?

Cody: I generally avoid teaching "shark biscuits".

Cloon: Bugger. You say that like it's a bad thing.

Cody: You're quite the bloke, Cloon!

Cloon: Well perhaps, we can start with learning 'Strine, shall we?

Cody: Reckon!

Cloon: Now, tell us about the above photo op.

Cody: I was scouting out the region around Coffs Harbour when I came upon a mob of 'roos.

Cloon: This sounds promising. Did they sign the contract?

Cody: They said they don't eat "Num-Nums" and that quote, "It's friggin cold in Canada!'

Cloon: Bugger. I'll has to get back to the drawing board and come up with some better enticements.

Cody: No worries. And about those "squirrels" you're supposed to send over for backyard entertainment...

Cloon: Mr. L is on it. He's arranging for the visas as we speak.

Cody: Beaut!

Cloon: Well thanks a bunch for your time today and we look forward to more updates about the recruitment, in the future. Adios amiga!

Cody: Ta.

Cloon heads into his "Secret Laboratory" to brainstorm the "enticements".