April 28, 2010
April 23, 2010
Cloon: Hello there Audience. I has my Human on the phone and she has some very exciting news! Go ahead, let's not keep them in suspense any longer...
Cloon's Human: First of all, how is "the last man standing"?
Cloon: Most excellent. I gets the "royal treatment" at "Squirrel Sanctuary".
Cloon's Human: Well I miss you my little man. Now without further delay, the exciting news...the baby wombat has signed on for your Australia Zoo in Canada.
Cloon: Excellent job. What are the conditions of the contract?
Cloon's Human: She requests an air conditioned burrow with good feng shui and a home theatre system and monthly "shopping sprees" at Winners.
Cloon: Those ladies are high maintenance! I'll get Private Eye's pocket gophers to start on the construction of the burrow immediately. Now it looks like the little wombat is pretty cuddly...I finds myself a bit jealous because you know I likes having your cuddles to myself.
Cloon's Human: Don't worry Cloon...you're still the cuddliest of all...you little "stuffed animal".
Cloon: You know I likes my flattery! Hurry home so I can start up my crazy antics for num-nums again, will ya?
Cloon's Human: Will do, Cloon. Will do.
Cloon: Audience...donate to the Num-Num Fund now and get yourself at the top of the waiting list for "cuddling the baby wombat photo". Phone lines are now open at 1-800-WOM-BATS...
Act soon to avoid disappointment.
April 19, 2010
April 18, 2010
Cloon: Hello there Pierre! Ok, I'z besides myself with suspense, did the lorikeets sign on for my Australia Zoo in Canada?
Pierre: She be right mate.
Cloon: I needs an Aussie translator. Can you speak in Spanish instead?
Pierre: Si, senor.
Cloon: Does that mean you'll speak in Spanish or that the parrots signed on?
Pierre: Just messin' with ya man! I learned from the best...uh that would be you Cloon.
Cloon: I know...karma's a *@##**!!! I learned all about it from "Stan". So, did you get theese ones to sign the contract?
Pierre: Oui, oui monsieur.
Cloon: Theese is excellent, most excellent. Did you give yourself a raise yet?
Pierre: Not yet, I'm still number crunching.
Cloon: How did you get the rainbow lorikeets to agree to leave such a warm climate for one that can be a bit frosty?
Pierre: Exactly. I told them that Canada can be a bit frosty.
Cloon: No seriously dude, how did you do it?
Pierre: Well, I said they would have unlimited bird seed, celebrity VIP status and of course season tickets to NHL hockey. It turns out they're all fans as well.
Cloon: It's a good thing I have "TIM" for connections.
Pierre: I think this is also going to involve a great deal of num-nums.
Cloon: That's what I'm afraid of. Well keep up the good work little buddy and have some Tim Tams on me, will ya?
April 12, 2010
Bonjour folks! C'est Pierre Du Port reporting live from Sydney harbour. I've taken the day off from recruiting for Cloon's Australia Zoo in Canada to see the iconic sight of the Sydney Opera House. I've enjoyed some didgeridoo at Circular Quay, toured "The Rocks" and done a bridge climb of the Harbour Bridge. Do not try this at home! You must have the right equipment and expert guidance. Of course felines and canines do not attempt this if you have a fear of heights as us "dog toys" are quite tough in this area. However, I must say that it was "wicked cool". Next I'm off on the ferry to Manly. I'll keep you all posted. And by the way, they need to start making "Tim Tams" in Canada...that's all I'm sayin'
April 5, 2010
Hello Audience! Pierre Du Port emailed me this insider pic of "TIM" trying to grab a few winks after days of partying with the reef creatures. Unbeknownst to TIM, Pierre has gotten some "priceless" shots. At least Pierre didn't put lipstick on the guy or stick his hairy paw into warm water while he was "sleeping". He got off quite lucky with some private pics circulating the web. See felines, take note...this can happen to you when you go to 'Stralia. Theese one is a big "partay" place! Make sure to eat lots of Num-Nums before you start to party to give yourself a good base. Then of course, don't forget to take your sleep mask with you so you can get some shuteye in any location (see above photo). When you do wake up, remember the "hair of the dog":
2 parts Green Ale (or regular cerveza if green is not available)
1 part Num-Nums
1 part Vanilla Yogurt
1 tiny pinch of dog hair (makes sure it's TINY)
THEN PUT THEESE ONES IN MAGIC BULLET AND BLEND. THEN PUT CONCOCTION IN SHOOTER GLASS AND "DOWN THE HATCH"...
In 1 hour you will be back in business, trust me on theese one...
April 4, 2010
Happy Easter Audience! This is Cloon reporting live from Squirrel Sanctuary where the Easter Bunny has arrived and hidden peanuts for a "Nut Hunt" for the squirrels. That's right, you heard it here first folks! I am presently sitting back with my bowl of popcorn (and my Num-Nums and my chocolate Easter eggs...) and watching the action unfold. The squirrels are going "nuts"! Theese ones are running around and looking for peanuts and having a heck of a good ol' time with the festivities. Too bad Mr. L couldn't be here to watch. Uh, sorry about that! I must say I have some pretty good daily entertainment here at the Sanctuary.
Well Happy Easter to you all and remember don't get too "squirrely" from all the chocolate. Pace yourself folks!