Bedazzle Me!

 

 BEDAZZLE ME! NEYTIRI & "DUCKY" GET BUSY BEDAZZLING...

Cloon: Hello Audience. Well our Employee Bootcamp has wrapped up this weekend at Headquarters. Secretary Neytiri has taken employee "Ducky" through the last component of "Bedazzling". So tell us how did the little guy do?

Neytiri: I'm so proud of him! "Ducky" is in the top percentile of our employees!

Cloon: Uh, we don't has that many "employees" here, doesn't that skew the results?

Neytiri: Uh, don't rain on our parade...give him some credit...he is a "cat toy" after all.

Cloon: Theese is a good point. Sorry about that! So what did "Ducky" bedazzle for his final assignment?

Neytiri: "Ducky" bedazzled a swimsuit for a lady's fitness competition. And he did a "purr-fect" job I might add. Everyone can see the results in the photos above.

Cloon: Wow, great job! What other things can customers have bedazzled?

Neytiri: Well, we also have something going called "Pimp My Suitcase" where we bedazzle rhinestones onto luggage and put fancy new little "mags" on, as well. Customers can read about all the details on a previous post of ours at http://bit.ly/d7vxr0 .

Cloon: Well done Secretary Neytiri! So what is on the agenda for the rest of this weekend?

Neytiri: This afternoon we are having a little graduation ceremony whereby "Ducky" will be awarded the "Clooney Credit Canada Employee Bootcamp" certificate for completing this most stringent certification process.

Cloon: Excellent! Now in one of theese photos above, you have your paw raised above the "little guy". What is going on there?

Neytiri: I was about to "bat the little guy around" a bit. This Bootcamp has been a lot of hard work and a very serious process so I was going to lighten things up a little...

Cloon: Sounds good. Well there you have it folks...it's a wrap. Customers can now be assured that the services we provide are top-notch and our Employees have the best skills and training possible. Now that we're done with theese "serious" stuff, let's turn up the music and PAR-TAY!

Has a good one Felines!

SECRETARY NEYTIRI RUNS "ESTHETICS" BOOTCAMP

Cloon: Hello there Audience. Joining me today is Neytiri, the Secretary of Clooney Credit Canada, with an update on our latest Employee Bootcamp. How goes theese module?

Neytiri: Excellent. "Ducky" is a natural at "Esthetics".

Cloon: Well, who would've ever known! Now I understand that "Ducky" was our only Employee who completed theese component of the Bootcamp.

Neytiri: Yes, that is correct. Currently, Pierre Du Port is Down Under tutoring French to the kangaroos. The Cockatoo from Australia had to sit this one out because our liability insurance does not cover sharp claws mixed with "tender tootsies".

Cloon: So what exactly does "Esthetics" cover?

Neytiri: Basically we are continuing the legacy of "Girlfriend's" Mobile Waxing Unit, where Felines will call in to our busy switchboard and book an appointment for a wax job of their hairy paws. They will then meet us "curbside", jump into our Mobile Waxing Unit, have their paws waxed and then enjoy an ice cream sandwich after the fact. New Audience members can read an earlier post on the blog which goes into this in-depth: http://bit.ly/a2NLE8

Cloon: I'm excited to be back in the Driver's Seat...of the Ice Cream Truck/Mobile Waxing Unit that is! By the way, did "Ducky" practice the "Esthetics" on your hairy paws?

Neytiri: Uh, that would be a no. My hairy paws are part of the Ragdoll signature look. Some other Felines volunteered.

Cloon: Wow, what would make those brave souls volunteer to have their paws waxed?

Neytiri: Num-Nums.

Cloon: Enough said. Felines, suffer no more humiliation...call in to 1-800-WAX-JOBS now to book your appointment. The first 50 callers will receive a complimentary can of Num-Nums in addition to the $19.95 special for all 4 paws...

CLOONEY'S NUM-NUM FUND...FROM THE VERY BEGINNING...PART 2:

Hello folks. Now it is time for Part 2 of my story and to introduce some other important "characters" that have been part of my blog... Theese above Canine is Mr. L. He is holding his special friend and favorite dog toy aka his "Baby". I first interviewed Mr. L a long time ago. http://bit.ly/dgXDlj "The Baby" is a VERY INTERESTING CHARACTER. He had broken Mr. L's heart a while back by running away from home thus leaving Mr. L very lonely. http://bit.ly/bPauSD "The Baby" also joined a renegade biker gang and I had to travel to Albuquerque to find him and bring him back home. After "The Baby" and I got our kicks on Route 66, I tricked him, hypnotized him, put him in a suitcase in cargo and brought him back to Canada. Mr. L and him were happily reunited. Mr. L and "The Baby" are big fans of Elvis and perform Elvis Impersonation concerts. When I needs investigative work done, I use the services of Mr. L, who is also known as Private Eye Malhaven Leopold Von Ice.
He has a good nose and when he doesn't get sidetracked by "squirrels" he does some excellent work. http://bit.ly/df9x8J

One day a basket was dropped off on the doorstep of Mr. L's home. That's when Miss Story Weathers entered the picture. http://bit.ly/cwtfGO Miss Stormy was also involved in my Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge. http://bit.ly/cAX4oZ

Another key event was when Mr. L and I received a call from Montreal asking for our help in rescuing a dog toy out of the canal. Theese dog toy is a smaller version of "The Baby" and his name is "Pierre Du Port" (see above photo). Pierre had a fascination with cowboys so he decided to come back to the "wild west" with me and live at Headquarters helping me out with secretarial duties. In the spring of theese year, Pierre also travelled to Australia with my Human and he presented my research paper: "Num-Nums: The Secret Laboratory Findings" at the 1st Annual Symposium On Feline Nutrition . As well, Pierre has been recruiting animals from Oz for my Australia Zoo in Canada. http://bit.ly/aq29xa

With Pierre Du Port away Down Under for so long, I was getting really behind in my work at Headquarters. Those Elves need lots of supervising and the switchboard is really busy with calls for our various services and questions about Clooneymobiles...So my Human decided to finds me a new Secretary to run things behind the scenes. She found theese little one above. Her name is Princess Neytiri and she is from the Ragdoll Clan. http://bit.ly/bzEdLb

I'm glad to have her help with "organizing" things at Headquarters. She's been implementing a Bootcamp for our employees to try to increase efficiency. http://bit.ly/dj4enT We'z had excellent results with the "Office Management", "Assembly Line Production", and "Fundraising and PR" components of the Bootcamp so far. Now Secretary Neytiri will be moving onto the "Esthetics" and "Bedazzling" modules with our employees.

I hopes I made my blog storylines a little less confusing for new Audience members by doing a 2-Part Review. My favorite part of blogging is to tell theese stories and hopefully provides some entertainment for Felines, Humans and...Canines.

CLOON RUNS "FUNDRAISING & PR" COMPONENT OF EMPLOYEE BOOTCAMP

Hello there Audience. What follows is the telemarketing script I devised for my Employees involved in the "Fundraising & PR" aka "SALES" Bootcamp at Headquarters:

"DEOS TEH STCOK MRAEKT HVAE YUO MXEID UP?

Invest instead in the ... Clooneymobile!

In these uncertain economic times, Cloon, the CEO of Clooney Credit Canada offers you a wise investment alternative. As the purveyor of the World's First Clooneymobile, he has available for his public a ground floor investment opportunity. He is currently accepting a limited amount of investors for 10 year leases of the World's First Clooneymobiles, about to be hot off the press, or shall we say Assembly Line. The biggest question you have to ask yourself now is, do I want bird motif or squirrel motif for the interior design? Personally, we advise you to choose birds as they are more of a chick-magnet. However, if the canine rules in your household you may be coerced into the squirrels. The expected launch date is...soon. Act now rather than face disappointment. Support a Feline Entrepreneur and Small Businesscat. Invest now...

So, how many 10 year leases can we sign you up for?... With every 3 leases you get a free Limited Edition Print of CEO Cloon and the Assembly Line Elves (that have been personally involved on the "Lines" in the production of your custom Clooneymobile). Now, will that be VISA, MASTERCARD OR AMERICAN EXPRESS? We do also accept REAL CASH aka pesos, zloty, greenbacks, pounds, euros, and canuck bucks.

But wait there's more...Sign up right now and receive your choice of Num-Nums Tourtiere Pie or Catnip Cherry Pie, fresh out of the Easy Bake"...

Audience, I am pleased to report that my Secretary Princess Neytiri, "Ducky" and The Cockatoo from Australia all passed theese component of Bootcamp with flying colors. I monitored their calls and heard a 100% Success Rate. Of course, we also had subliminal messages like "Buy the Clooneymobile" playing in the background during theese calls. To celebrate their remarkable Telemarketing skills I'z currently throwing them a special party at Headquarters.

Audience, tune in tomorrow because I'z going to participate in my first "Wordless Wednesday". It's when Felines "zip-it", don't talk and just post pictures of themselves. I know theese is a challenge for me because I likes talking...

Oops gotta go, the party is heating up and they'z calling me for the Conga Line...

SECRETARY OF CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA RUNS BOOTCAMP FOR "ASSEMBLY LINE PRODUCTION"

Cloon: Joining me is the Secretary of CCC with her update on the next component of her Bootcamp: Assembly Line Production. Hello Princess Neytiri.

Neytiri: Hello there Cloon.

Cloon: So tell me how this latest component of Bootcamp went with the Elves?

Neytiri: Those little buggers have some interesting personalities.

Cloon: I guess they take after me, huh? Did you end up increasing the efficiency of their production on the Assembly Line?

Neytiri: But of course. My Bootcamp worked like a charm!

Cloon: What did that all entail?

Neytiri: We started the day at 3:30AM with some Feline Zen meditation. Then we went outside into the crisp air for a jog, jumping-jacks and push-ups. "Give me 50 right now!"

Cloon: Seriously?

Neytiri: Seriously.

Cloon: Seriously.

Neytiri: Ok, I'm just pulling your paw, but it did work on the Assembly Line Elves. Then with a clear mind and a good appetite we had a Num-Nums break.

Cloon: That would be my favorite part.

Neytiri: Then we got serious. I set up the projector, showed some clips of inspiring felines around the world, we did some role-playing and had a miniature pep rally. Then when the Elves were all "pumped-up" I lectured about the importance of efficiency on the Assembly Line and how we need to increase our production of Clooneymobiles pronto! I showed charts and graphs for the expected efficiency for the upcoming quarters and we discussed the incentives for reaching the specified targets. If targets were reached according to plan each Elf would be given their own case of Num-Nums to eat at their leisure and I would also take them on a special field trip (the details of which are yet to be determined). After this discussion, I observed them at work on the Assembly Line and gave some constructive feedback. Then we had another Num-Nums break and a nap. After the nap we started the whole process over again right from the Feline Zen Meditation finally ending with Num-Nums at the evening meal and beddy-bye at 7:30PM. We did this for 19 days straight and had our graduation ceremony last night.

Cloon: How did they all do?

Neytiri: They passed with flying colors! Each one has been awarded their "Certificate of Achievement in Assembly Line Production". Also, they were each allowed one mini mug of ale to celebrate and all are in high spirits.

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent. Let the production begin...

"SHAKE YA TAILFEATHER"... DUSTING BOOTCAMP BEGINS

Cloon: So how goes the "Office Management" component of the Bootcamp?

Neytiri: Well, the Cockatoo from Australia got top marks in the efficiency category for answering the busy switchboard. "Ducky" had the highest score for politeness. And Pierre Du Port took the "flair" category by storm. His French accent does quite a number on the lady callers.

Cloon: Sounds about right. Did each of them get the passing grade they needed to advance to the next module?

Neytiri: They all passed with flying colors! In fact, I even had "The Baby" call in with a prank phone call and they each handled it with perfect professionalism, even upselling him in the process.

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent. Did "The Baby" use my all time favorite of "Is your refrigerator running?"

Neytiri: Yes, he did! He said he learned it from you by attending your "Seminar on Prank Calls".

Cloon: That's a my boy, he maka me proud every time. What did the employees end up upselling him?

Neytiri: A pimped up suitcase! And I must say they were 4 Bootcamp components ahead of themselves!

Cloon: I thinks they take after me in the intelligence department. Theese is lookin' good! So, how did they do with the Dusting Bootcamp?

Neytiri: They enjoyed observing me with the feather duster. I must admit I have a bit of a fixation with it. I like to run around the house holding it in my mouth.

Cloon: How did you manage to keep them motivated with the process?

Neytiri: I played rap music loudly in the background.

Cloon: So, it's on to the next module of training: "scheduling daily num-num breaks for Headquarters employees". Speaking of which "I'm starving like Marvin girl"...

CLOON SAMBAS AROUND HEADQUARTERS SINGING: "OH, OH, OH...OH OH...

SHAKE YA TAIL FEATHER"...