CLOON AND
"GIRLFRIEND" TAKE BREAK FROM BUSY PHONE LINES. PHONES ARE RINGING OFF THE HOOK FOR THE NEW
"SERVICES"...

We've had an overwhelming response for "Pimped" Suitcases. "Girlfriend" is very busy with "The Bedazzler" and I have been installing "mags" around the clock. We are already booked up till June.

Felines with hairy paws are starting to come out of the closet and inquiries have begun to trickle in. Again felines, now is the time to take action to prepare for summer social activities and take advantage of our most excellent specials. If phone lines are busy, do not dismay. Just hit redial until you get through. "Girlfriend" has her headset on and is standing by to take your calls...

"GIRLFRIEND'S" MOBILE WAXING UNIT

DO YOU SUFFER FROM HAIRY PAWS?

TOO SHY TO GO OUTSIDE, SHOPPING, OR TO THE BEACH?

CONTACT THE MOBILE WAXING UNIT...

Cloon: Hello Audience, here I am in-studio with special guest and Feline Esthetician "Girlfriend". Welcome "Girlfriend".

"Girlfriend": Thank you very much.

"Cloon": Now, tell me about this surprising fact that many cats suffer from hairy paws...

"Girlfriend": Well Cloon, most felines are quite secretive about this because of the humiliation factor. But I'm here today to tell them that it's okay to come out of the closet and seek help.

Cloon: What are the actual statistics for theese one?

"Girlfriend": A shocking 30% of felines suffer from hairy paws. And Maine Coons are over-represented in that category.

THE AUDIENCE GASPS IN ASTONISHMENT. CLOON POUNDS HIS LITTLE PAW FOR "ORDER IN THE COURT".

Cloon: We have a film clip to show the Audience. Please cue the presentation. (The Assembly Line Elves start up the projector.) Rolling... For those at home, please see second photograph above.

Well Audience, there you have it. There's the proof. Now "Girlfriend" is going to give us some more information about "The Mobile Waxing Unit".

"Girlfriend": So Felines there's no need to panic about the situation. My mobile spa, which incidentally doubles as an ice cream truck, will come right to you. You will jump into the back of the truck and be transported to another time and place (metaphorically speaking of course, we're not kidnapping you or anything). My theme for my mobile spa is Zen Gardens. In this healing space, special recordings of chirping birds play in the background. There are many plants and a DVD plays "Mousies" on a big screen TV. I start each session by a Zen Meditation, deep breathing exercises and of course some of the highest grade premium organic catnip available. I use only the finest French waxing strips for the hairy paws. After the waxing is complete, you are treated to a complimentary ice cream sandwich (Cloon has an overstock from Costco). Remember Cloon likes to multitask, so he will be selling various ice creams out of the front of the truck. I think drumsticks and popsicles are also available. Now remember, the Spring Special is $19.95 (includes all 4 paws and the ice cream sandwich). We will be taking before and after photos for the purpose of advertising. (All Felines will be asked to sign an agreement for disclosure.)

SO FELINES, NOW IS THE TIME TO RECLAIM YOUR SOCIAL LIFE. DO NOT LET HAIRY PAWS HOLD YOU BACK ANY LONGER. CALL 1-800-WAX-JOBS TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT OR COME OUT TO THE CURB WHEN YOU HEAR AN ICE CREAM TRUCK PLAYING THE "MACARENA" IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD...

BARISTA CHAMPIONSHIPS

CLOON TAKES FIRST PLACE IN NATIONAL BARISTA CHAMPIONSHIPS!

Hello, hello, hello everyone! How's everyone doing out there? I apologize to my loyal blog followers for being away from the blog this past week. I was indisposed. Actually, I was away from Headquarters, competing in a Barista Competition. How many members of the Audience partake in daily coffee or espresso? Can I have a show of shaky paws? Excellent, a good number I see. We loves our coffee here at Clooney Credit Canada. "Girlfriend" will be coming around after our interview today with her little coffee cart serving you my award winning brew.  So, I fly out to Newfoundland this week to compete in a very special coffee-making event. Theese one is very prestigious! "The Baby" accompanied me after his last Elvis rehearsal as I needed him as an assistant. We both was very excited to be part of this event! The Barista Championship judged competitors on 3 major areas: 1) Speed 2) Flair and 3) Taste and Quality of the Espresso. Okay, in the 1st category of Speed, I admits I wasn't the fastest barista present. I gots a 2 out of 3. However, in the 2nd category of Flair, "The Baby" and I took it paws down! In fact, we broke the record for Flair. I juggled chocolate-dipped biscotti that "Girlfriend" had baked especially for the judges of the event. But most importantly , we danced the Macarena while I poured the shots of espresso. "The Baby" danced on top of the coffee can which contained our "secret recipe" coffee beans (see bottom photo) and I had major paw action goin' on behind the espresso machine. We gots a 3 out of 3 in this category. (Incidentally, "The Baby" was hopped-up on caffeine from too many test shots of espresso and was dancing like Speedy Gonzales yelling "Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba!) Now, for the last category of Taste and Quality we ended up getting a 3 out of 3. Can you believe it Audience? Our "secret recipe" coffee beans won for best taste ever, smoothness and very high quality. "The Baby" and I were beside ourselves with excitement and pride! (I guess all that work in the test kitchen of Headquarters paid off. It also helped speed up production on the Assembly Line as the Elves were my loyal test subjects.)

In closing, I'd like to thank the "Pinyon Jay". Theese birdie is responsible for our win in the taste category. Theese one is the most beautifulest birdie I have ever seen. It is bright blue and very cute. It feeds off pinon nuts (our secret ingredient in our coffee) and also helps to spread the seed so the pinion trees keep growing.

Well folks, I'm preparing for a busy week on the blog, so do tune in. Now, sit back, relax and enjoy the java as "Girlfriend" makes her way around. Bottoms up!

"YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOUND DOG"...

ELVIS IMPERSON-ATION REHEARSALS BEGIN AT VON ICE ENTERPRISES

Joining Cloon via webcam is Mr. L and "The Baby"

Cloon: That's quite the fancy guitar you have there!

"The Baby": Thank you. Thank you very much...

Cloon: You're sounding more like Elvis each time we speak. Impressive.

Mr. L: Yes, I'm very proud of my little BFF!

Cloon: So, how are the rehearsals going?

Mr. L: Well, it's a very busy time for us as "Squirrel Patrol" season has officially opened. But, as soon as we are done with a "sighting" we come back inside and start practising.

Cloon: So, "The Baby" plays the guitar and then the both of you are on vocals?

Mr. L: Affirmative.

Cloon: Do you have special Elvis moves as well?

Mr. L: Aah, yes we do Cloon. Yes we do.

Cloon: Could you perform just a few? I'd like to send a clip to my cousin in Old Country.

"The Baby": We regret to inform you that, that's classified information.

Cloon: Well perhaps, you can send her a ticket to a future performance of yours.

Mr. L: Will do, Cloon. Will do.

"The Baby": If you excuse us now Cloon, we're on a tight rehearsal schedule...

Cloon: Knock yourselves out!

"The Baby": 1..2..1...2...3...4... WELL, YOU AIN'T NEVER CAUGHT A RABBIT...

I GOT A NEW TOY BUT I BROKED IT...

So, I goes shopping to this amazing pet store while I was away on my holidays. Theese store is a real good one. It has all kinds of toys, num-nums, natural products for the "irregularities", you name it, they got it. I finds myself this string toy. I happen to be a "string man", I like theese ones the best. Anyway, I sees this bright blue sparkly ball on a string and I gots to have it. This contraption hangs on a doorknob and then felines can go wild batting theese string and ball around. For the first day, I loves my new toy. I was spotted playing with it very late at night and in the wee hours of the morn. My Human was very excited about theese one because she thought it might be the answer to occupying me early in the morning when I get bored waiting for num-nums. However, I likes to chew on things. String, plastic, leather, wood, even metal. I'z got what you calls an "oral fixation". So, I gets to chewing on this string in the wee hours of the morn and low and behold, I chews right through it and the bright blue sparkly ball falls to the floor. Now, theese one is not fun anymore because I broked it. Then the Humans do a repair job on it and ties a knot. It then only takes me a minute or so and voila!... Bright blue sparkly ball falls to floor and theese one is not fun anymore.

So felines, I'z going to give theese toy a review and rating:

1) The name of the toy is "Door Teaser", I choose to give this a neutral rating, the name could be better or could be worse.

2) Attractiveness factor=thumbs up, I likes the bright blue sparkly ball.

3) Concept of the toy=thumbs up, I likes the idea of it and it is entertaining when it is not broken.

4) Craftsmanship, wear and tear etc. etc. =thumbs down, I can breaks this one easy.

Lets me get my calculator and tally up up theese scores...Drumroll please...

The "Door Teaser" string toy=2.5 out of 4 rating.

**So felines, gather 'round and listen closely...If you gets theese one as a toy, "Do not chew the string...I repeat, Do not chew the string"... Then theese one will bring you countless hours of fun and entertainment...

CLOON GUARDS

"KEY TO THE CITY"

Hello everyone! After being bestowed the "Key To The City" for my heroic service of returning "The Baby" back to Mr. L and imparting him with better morals and values, the first thing I did was put the "Key" on my Team Edward keychain. It looks good, doesn't it? I also keep quite a watchful eye on the "Key"(see photo). Now how many of the Audience members are familiar with the term "Key To The City"? Excellent, I see a few show of hands. "Girlfriend" has also given her signature "shake of the paw". Well my friends, here's a little tutorial on this most esteemed award. The "Key To The City" is awarded to a citizen who has performed some sort of heroic deed on behalf of the community and is honored by the city by being awarded a key. Now to quote Wikipedias, "the key symbolizes the freedom of the recipient to enter and leave the city at will as a trusted friend of city residents". Theese is a good one! Now everyday, I takes a little walk in a different direction and I tries the "Key" in various automobiles and various businesses just to see what it belongs to. I haven't found the exact fit yet. I'll keep you posted on theese one. I also will be incorporating the "Key" into my tours of Clooney Credit Canada.

Well bye for now Folks, I'm heading in the northerly direction today for my walk with the "Key"...Wish me luck...

LOYAL OILERS FAN "TIM" FILES COMPLAINT THAT THE TEAM HAS DEPRIVED HIM OF LOVE AND SUBMITS HIS RESUME FOR POSITION OF HEAD COACH

Cloon: I am reporting live on location from Von Ice Enterprises where resident feline "TIM" has made a shocking allegation that the Oilers Hockey Team has deprived him of love. "TIM" can you shed more light on this issue for the Audience?

"TIM": I have been a very loyal hockey fan for almost 10 years now. When I hear the hockey announcers on TV, I comes out of the woodwork, from the basement, the closet, you name it, it never fails and I heads to the couch for some lovin'. I depend on televised Oilers hockey games to get affection from my Human. When the Oilers don't make it to the playoffs, it deprives me of extra love, attention, and affection. The season is cut short and we are unable to spend that special quality time together in front of the television set watching hockey.

Cloon: That is very sad indeed. And I take it you are very upset with the early exit of the Oilers this season.

"TIM": Yes, that is correct. So much so, that I am taking the future of the Oilers team, their success and hence the extra love I would be able to receive into my own paws, so to speak.

Cloon: Enlighten us, will ya?

"TIM": I have submitted my resume for the position of Oilers Head Coach. And I must admit, I did some name dropping as well.

Cloon: Did you use my name?

"TIM": Exactly, I said I knows "George Clooney".

Cloon: Excellent and what special qualifications did you list on your resume?

"TIM": I stated that: I have very big paws to help the Oilers during practice, I have secret signals like the "silent meow" to help with hockey plays, I have a big physique and tough "fur" so I am not intimidated by the younger players who need guidance and discipline, and most importantly, since my very love and attention depends on their success, I have great morale, stamina, persistence and will stop at nothing to have them make the future playoffs.

Cloon: Well, if it was up to me, you'd be a shoo-in for the position. You could offer the players and management a special deal on the Clooneymobile as well.

"TIM": I knew I could count on you Cloon.

Cloon: Well, we at Clooney Credit Canada will be rooting for you "TIM".

"TIM":

Cloon: Audience, "TIM" has mouthed a silent meow.

**AUDIENCE, I AM CIRCULATING A SPECIAL "PET"-ITION OF SUPPORT THROUGH THE INTERWEBS FOR "TIM" AS NEW HEAD COACH OF THE OILERS. IF IT COMES YOUR WAY, PLEASE SIGN IT IN FAVOR OF "TIM" AND ALLOW HIM THE CHANCE FOR THE LOVE, ATTENTION, AND AFFECTION HE SO RIGHTLY DESERVES. AND THROW HIM A COUPLE KIBBLES WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, WILL YA?

EASTER BUNNY VISITS CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA

Happy Easter my Fluffy Little Bunny Rabbits!

How is everyone this fine Easter weekend? The weather was very nice and the birdies were out in full force. Theese one was a good day for Birdie Patrol. Lots of chirpin' goin' on.

So, we at Headquarters gets a special visit from the Easter Bunny. And guess what? The Easter Bunny brings me num-nums! Can you believe it? I was very excited about theese one! The Easter Bunny toured the Assembly Line of the Clooneymobile and had a special Easter Egg Hunt for The Assembly Line Elves. The Elves were unbelievably excited to meet The Easter Bunny in-person. Me and The Easter Bunny swapped autographs and Ms. Tortorovsky treated The Easter Bunny to a complimentary Zen Session given the stress and busyness of this weekend. We ended the afternoon with a dance party sharing various dance moves. The Easter Bunny showed us some bunny hops, I instructed everyone on the Samba and The Elves formed a big conga line with The Easter Bunny, myself and Ms. Tortorovsky. A good time was had by all.

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL MY LOYAL BLOG FOLLOWERS. I HOPE THE EASTER BUNNY IS GOOD TO YOU ALL THIS WEEKEND. TUNE IN THIS UPCOMING WEEK FOR ENTERTAINING STORIES AND UPDATES...

IT'S A GREAT DAY AT VON ICE ENTERPRISES

AS MR. L AND "THE BABY" ARE REUNITED...

Finally after a lonely month of separation, "The Dynamic Duo" is re-united. Media is on hand to capture the event. "The Baby" lends resident feline "T.I.M." his special "spy pen" (which he purchased on SkyMall) to take footage of the occasion. Incidentally, "T.I.M." will also be performing the "Moonwalk" as part of today's lineup of festivities. Cloon is being presented with a "Key to the City" for imposing better values on "The Baby" and returning him safely to Mr. L. Below is an excerpt of the media interview that takes place:

Cloon: Mr. L, you are looking quite reflective today. Do you have some thoughts you'd like to share with us all?

Mr. L: This event is cutting into my "Squirrel Patrol".

Cloon: Oh, yes, 'tis the season, isn't it? Well, please humor us for just a little while, then we'll let you get back to business. How is it to have "The Baby" back with you after the prolonged absence?

Mr. L: It's grrrrrrrrreat! I can't wait to take him for a spin in the backyard!

Cloon: So, let's settle this age old question, once and for all, shall we... "Does absence make the heart grow fonder" or is it "out of sight, out of mind"?

Mr. L: (Giving googly eyes to "The Baby" and responding in a deep Elvis voice...) Most definitely, my heart has grown fonder.

(The Audience oohs and ahhs and Cloon pounds his little paw for "order in the court")

Cloon: Now "Baby" what say you about your previous wild ways and your travels? Will you be able to settle down in the domestic life again?

"The Baby": Well, I have lots of good mockumentary footage from "the road", I need to catch up on some R&R, I have missed Mr. L tremendously, and we need to take our karaoke to another level if we're serious about going to Vegas with our Elvis impersonations, so Yes I can be part of the domestic scene for awhile.

Cloon: Well there you have it folks. By the way, "The Baby's" miniature Harley is on display in the living room of Von Ice Enterprises. I will be collecting toons for my "Adopt a Yak from Tibet" fund for anyone viewing the display.

AS MR. L GRABS "THE BABY" HIS FANCY SOUVENIR SOMBRERO FALLS TO THE FLOOR. HE RETURNS ONCE AGAIN TO THE DOG'S MOUTH ...

AND WAIT A MINUTE...LITTLE HORNS ARE EXPOSED...WHAT THE...

TO BE CONTINUED AT A LATER DATE....

CLOON BRINGS "THE BABY" BACK TO CANADA SAFE & SOUND - QUEST SUCCESSFUL

So, Audience gather close around and listen to theese story. "The Baby" and I enjoyed the Cuban music on our night out. We goes back to our motel room and I tells "The Baby", "Lay back, relax, you did a excellent job as a driver and tour guide today. I'm going to take you through a Zen meditation of "Girlfriend's" and help you unwind and get a better sleep tonight. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, imagine dancing Elvis's in your mind... Imagine what I say to you in Elvis's deep voice...Take another deep breath...Now I am going to count backwards from 10...When I reach 1 you will be fully relaxed and in a deep meditative state...10...9...very deep breath...8...7...very relaxed...6...very deep breath...5...very heavy eyelids...4...very deep breath...3...fully relaxed...2...1...deep meditative state. You will remain in this very deep meditative state for the next 12 hours. You will accompany me back to Canada without any trouble. You will donate to the Num-Num Fund and invest in a Clooneymobile...Just joshing with you man! You will remain in this meditative state until we board the airplane for Canada"...

Audience, then "The Baby" was out like a light, so I puts "The Baby" into my checked baggage and boards the aircraft home. When I goes to claim my baggage, there's a tag saying I has a profanity charge. They says something in my baggage was uttering profanities and making a ruckus. The hypnosis must have worn off a bit early. So I gets back to Headquarters and lets "The Baby" out of the suitcase. "The Baby" was very mad at me. "Girlfriend" quickly came to the rescue by whipping up some Huevos Rancheros and playing an Elvis record. This got "The Baby" into a good mood again. "Girlfriend" then comforts "The Baby" (see top photo). Then I takes some photo ops with my new fancy souvenir sombrero and my Route 66 snow globe and "The Baby" of course (see bottom photo). Then we signs the documentation for the official name change of "The Baby" to "Benny The Baby" and we does a special swearing-in of name change ceremony with in-studio guests as witnesses. Now "The Baby" (his nickname) is ready to be re-united with Mr. L. He is quite excited to see Mr. L as absence has made his heart grow fonder and he is anxious to start practising their Elvis impersonations to get ready for Vegas.

**AUDIENCE TUNE IN FOR TOMORROW'S EXCITING REUNION OF

MR. L AND "THE BABY"

"THE BABY" IS GIVEN HIS OWN HARLEY FROM HIS BIKER FRIEND "BEAR"

So, I goes to meet "The Baby's" new friend "Bear". Bear is a Biker, a Silversmith, a Western Stunt Entertainer and he also does Leatherwork. He's what you call a multi-talented individual. He has a workshop in downtown Santa Fe. So I says to myself, well if he's a Silversmith perhaps he can fix my Human's turquoise and silver bracelet which I brought with me on my trip just in case I met one of theese Silversmiths. My Human loves her bracelet but it got a crack in it so she couldn't wear it anymore. I knew I could score some major brownie points with her (which could result in extra num-nums) if I could surprise her and have her beloved bracelet fixed. And guess what? Because "Bear" is an expert Silversmith, he was able to repair it. And then to top it all off, he gives "The Baby" his own Harley. Can you believe it? We really struck the motherlode with theese one. "Bear" was very helpful, a good sport and a nice guy. We definitely will visit him again on our next trip through.

So, we gets on "The Baby's" new Harley and rides the High Road to Taos. We stop at the Santuario de Chimayo. It is a Church that has special dirt in its back room with healing powers for physical and spiritual ills. "The Baby" and I gathered up some dirt to take home and bought some trinkets in the gift shop which we blessed with holy water from the church. (I think I might be having a good influence on "The Baby". Maybe he will abandon his wild ways and see the light. Let's hope for the best folks.)

"The Baby" wanted to take me to Roswell to see the UFO's, but it's in the opposite direction. So, I convinced him to return to Santa Fe with me to listen to some Cuban music. I still have to have the "intervention" with him. But I wanted to have him in a good mood first. So I thought the roadtrip with his new hog would do the trick.

**I wonder if my book "Hypnosis for Dogs" applies to Dog Toys as well? Hmm. Let's hope so.

STAY TUNED AUDIENCE THEESE WILL BE A GOOD ONE...

CLOON AND "THE BABY" TAKE ROUTE 66 TO THE PLAZA

Hello, hello, hello everyone! It's a great day in America as we head to the Santa Fe Plaza for some shopping. It is a sunny mild day and the Native American artists have their jewelry, pottery and crafts displayed on The Plaza. We try not to make a spectacle of ourselves as we walk around looking at the crafts. But what can I say, I'm famous...There's also a well-known actress on The Plaza today shopping for jewelry and the guys are making googly eyes at her. I finds myself a Route 66 snowglobe, a fancy sombrero, and a sparkly roadrunner fridge magnet. "The Baby" buys himself a matching fancy sombrero and a miniature stuffed Kokopelli (theese one is a special symbol in the Southwest that looks like a humpbacked flute player). We walks around looking at the adobe casitas. I wanted to buy one but I don't have enough in the Num-Num Fund. Santa Fe is a very cool place and everyone was very welcoming to me. They liked my accent. I promoted the Clooneymobile in The Plaza by handing out flyers. Perhaps, we'll have some investors.

**TUNE IN TOMORROW AS "THE BABY" INTRODUCES ME TO MORE OF HIS BIKER FRIENDS...

CLOON IS GREETED BY "THE BABY" AND RENEGADE BIKER "ALF"

Well I finally makes it to Albuquerque after that big snow storm in Denver. And who greets me at the Sunport but "The Baby" and "ALF". "ALF" is famous, so we ends up with double the paparazzi than usual. Half is there for me, half for "ALF". We does some photo ops and autographs and then hits Route 66 with the hog. We makes it to Santa Fe and heads straight for Maria's New Mexican Kitchen. Folks, let me tell you theese is a good one! Theese ones are famous for their Margaritas and homemade New Mexican cooking. Of course, "ALF" is well known in theese parts (and ahem I'm George Clooney) so we gets treated like royalty-they keeps the chips and salsa coming. "The Baby" and "'ALF" decides to have the green chile enchiladas and I order the chile rellenos. Theese ones are peppers stuffed with cheese and served with refried beans and rice. OMG! It's the best Mexican food any of us has ever had! Maria's has over 125 different kinds of Margaritas, they even wrote a book about them. "The Baby" decides to have one called "Born To Be Wild". Theese ones are very strong! I have decided to impose a grading system for restaurants I visit. It is as follows:

1) Moonwalk (theese one means it is pretty good)

2) Samba (theese one means "now we're talking", things are heating up a little)

3) Hey Macarena! Ay! (theese one is top honors, excellent!)

I have evaluated Maria's as "Hey Macarena! Ay!"

So, we hangs out at Maria's for the evening. I interview "ALF" about being an extraterrestrial, what it's like to live on another planet, drive a spaceship etc. etc. We plan our roadtrip for Route 66. But first, we will visit The Plaza in Santa Fe to buy some souvenirs.

**TUNE IN FOR OUR SHOPPING EXCURSION...

O' CLOON WHERE ART THOU?...

"The Baby" arrives at "The Albuquerque Sunport" at 11:13 PM Thursday, March 26, 2009 to meet Cloon's Air Canada flight. But alas...no Cloon. "The Baby" proceeds to the baggage claim to take an even closer look... Again, Cloon is nowhere in sight. "The Baby" borrows the cell phone of another unsuspecting Good Samaritan and places a long distance call to "Headquarters" to track Cloon down.

"Girlfriend": Clooney Credit Canada, Acting CEO "Girlfriend" speaking, how may I direct your call?

"The Baby": Buenas noches. This is "The Baby". There appears to be a bit of a glitch. I've fulfilled my part of the agreement to pick Cloon up in Albuquerque, but he's MIA. Can you let me know what's going on?

"Girlfriend": "Baby" haven't you heard, there's an epic snow storm in Denver and all the flights going through there have been cancelled. Cloon has made the first leg of his journey and is at an undisclosed location in Canada. He will be re-routed through Salt Lake City tomorrow. Please pick him up in Albuquerque at 6:24PM.

"The Baby": Okey-dokey smokey.

"Girlfriend": In the meantime, can I interest you in donating to the Num-Num Fund? We would like to collect enough funds to adopt a Yak from Tibet.

"The Baby": I'm a bit short on cash until Mr. L and I take our Elvis impersonations on the road.

"Girlfriend": Well, do consider donating at a future date as it is a very worthy cause.

"The Baby": Affirmative.

**AUDIENCE: TUNE IN FOR THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF CLOON AND "THE BABY"...