" SPYCAT" TOURS THE HEADQUARTERS OF CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA

Cloon: Joining me today via skype is Pierre Du Port and a special guest. Hello there Pierre. Now tell the Audience who the special guest is at Headquarters today...

Pierre: Bonjour Cloon! Our special guest is none other than "SpyCat" from across the way...

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent. Hello there SpyCat, welcome! Now do you go by any particular name other than "SpyCat" which we have named you at Headquarters?

SpyCat: Well yes, I most certainly do as a matter of fact. My official name is "Sandy".

Cloon: Theese one has a nice ring to it..."Sandy the SpyCat". Now let's refresh the memories of the Audience, shall we? SpyCat was caught on video surveillance spying on the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada some time ago, then she infiltrated security, got into my vault and stole my Num-Nums Report. Then Private Eye disguised as a "Girl Guide" with special CSI technology was able to track her down and retrieve the report. Does that sound about right?

SpyCat: Yes, that is a good synopsis. However you left out the part that you had too few phone lines open to handle the flood of calls for the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge and this is where all the trouble started in the first place...

Cloon: Uh, sorry about that! Now, how did the free month of num-nums go for ya?

SpyCat: Very excellent.

Cloon: And how about the tour of Headquarters today? I see from the photographs that you did a very thorough exploration of the "grounds" and took it in from all angles. Was this satisfactory?

SpyCat: The tour of the Assembly Line of the Clooneymobile was very informative and the Assembly Line Elves were very charming. They stopped production and had a num-nums break with me. They even allowed me to test drive a Clooneymobile prototype within the little factory.

Cloon: Were you pleased with what you saw and do you prefer a squirrel motif or bird motif interior?

SpyCat: The Clooneymobile is outstanding! It packs a lot of punch! And of course, I prefer the bird motif interior.

Cloon: Excellent. Now, tell us all... You look very similar to "Girlfriend". Did you ever have any plastic surgery done?

SpyCat: I thought it would be easier to infiltrate Headquarters if I did look very similar to your past Secretary so I saw this ad on the interwebs and flew to Cabo for an all-inclusive week of tequila, tacos and plastic surgery...

Cloon: Was a dog toy who goes by the name of "The Baby" involved?

SpyCat: Most definitely. He met me on the tarmac with a mini margarita and escorted me to the resort.

Cloon: And all went well?

SpyCat: Yes, very well. We did some macarena, a little suntanning, and most importantly... he counselled me about the psychological implications of plastic surgery and looking quite similar to your neighbour across the way.

Cloon: Well there you have it folks! A thanks to Sandy the SpyCat, our guest today, who will be given a VIP Pass for future events at Headquarters. And remember felines, do not try theese at home...plastic surgery is a very serious matter...at least seek out the experts in Cabo...

SPYCAT IS BUSTED AND THE SECRET LABORATORY FINDINGS ARE RETURNED TO CLOON

On location at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada we join Private Eye Von Ice and Cloon via an in-progress interview:

Cloon: Thanks my Boy! I knew I could count on that schnozzle of yours!

Private Eye: Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?

Cloon: You know...you has a good honker...snout...ok in your Mother Tongue...schnauze.

Private Eye: Oh, my nose! Yes, it is a good one. It is my chief weapon in my investigative line of work.

Cloon: Please tell the Audience how you found the culprit whole stole my report.

Private Eye: First of all, I secured the perimeter and checked for any possible distractions such as birds or squirrels. Unfortunately, the weather was very cold and they were all frozed up so I didn't have any entertainment. So I got serious and started to sniff all around the outside of Headquarters in each direction. I then picked up a feline scent that went directly from your front door in a diagonal direction to the house across the way. I donned my "Girl Guide" disguise and rang the doorbell pretending to sell cookies. A feline answered the front door and requested the vanilla Girl Guide cookies saying those ones were the best. We then shook paws and suddenly I remembered a certain CSI episode. So I pulled out my UV black light and shone it on the feline's paws revealing the same invisible ink that you told me was on your Secret Laboratory Findings report. Busted...the feline then revealed that after days of trying to book a time slot for the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge and always getting a busy signal, they decided to take things into their own paws, so to speak. The feline then snuck into Headquarters when the line for the Challenge was at its peak and Pierre the doorman was distracted. They then proceeded to convince the Assembly Line Elves that they were from Price Waterhouse (the official accounting firm of the Challenge) and needed to get into the Vault to collect the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge ballots. Having only the intention of gorging on the supply of Num-Nums within the Vault, it was then that they saw the report and basically absconded with it.

Cloon: Excellent Detective Work Private Eye! Now, did the feline willingly hand over the report or did you need to employ other tactics?

Private Eye: The feline handed over a written demand of one month of free Num-Nums, a personal tour of the Clooneymobile Assembly Line and a VIP pass for future events at Headquarters in exchange for the safe return of the report. We shook paws and the feline promptly handed over the report.

Cloon: I guess that's a small price to pay for all my secret research. Do you have anything else to add to this?

Private Eye: The feline admits to spying on Headquarters on a regular basis through their window as they are bored and many interesting things appear to go on here.

Cloon: (Dabbing a fake tear) Poor SpyCat. Due to security concerns, I will not be holding a press conference but instead have this announcement:

ATTENTION EVERYONE: I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO PRESENT MY SECRET FINDINGS REPORT AT THE 1ST ANNUAL SYMPOSIUM ON FELINE NUTRITION AT THE BIRDEE NUM-NUMS ESTABLISHMENT IN BRISBANE AUSTRALIA IN SPRING OF 2010.

In closing I say, "G'day Mates!"