On location at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada we join Private Eye Von Ice and Cloon via an in-progress interview:
Cloon: Thanks my Boy! I knew I could count on that schnozzle of yours!
Private Eye: Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?
Cloon: You know...you has a good honker...snout...ok in your Mother Tongue...schnauze.
Private Eye: Oh, my nose! Yes, it is a good one. It is my chief weapon in my investigative line of work.
Cloon: Please tell the Audience how you found the culprit whole stole my report.
Private Eye: First of all, I secured the perimeter and checked for any possible distractions such as birds or squirrels. Unfortunately, the weather was very cold and they were all frozed up so I didn't have any entertainment. So I got serious and started to sniff all around the outside of Headquarters in each direction. I then picked up a feline scent that went directly from your front door in a diagonal direction to the house across the way. I donned my "Girl Guide" disguise and rang the doorbell pretending to sell cookies. A feline answered the front door and requested the vanilla Girl Guide cookies saying those ones were the best. We then shook paws and suddenly I remembered a certain CSI episode. So I pulled out my UV black light and shone it on the feline's paws revealing the same invisible ink that you told me was on your Secret Laboratory Findings report. Busted...the feline then revealed that after days of trying to book a time slot for the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge and always getting a busy signal, they decided to take things into their own paws, so to speak. The feline then snuck into Headquarters when the line for the Challenge was at its peak and Pierre the doorman was distracted. They then proceeded to convince the Assembly Line Elves that they were from Price Waterhouse (the official accounting firm of the Challenge) and needed to get into the Vault to collect the Num-Nums Taste Test Challenge ballots. Having only the intention of gorging on the supply of Num-Nums within the Vault, it was then that they saw the report and basically absconded with it.
Cloon: Excellent Detective Work Private Eye! Now, did the feline willingly hand over the report or did you need to employ other tactics?
Private Eye: The feline handed over a written demand of one month of free Num-Nums, a personal tour of the Clooneymobile Assembly Line and a VIP pass for future events at Headquarters in exchange for the safe return of the report. We shook paws and the feline promptly handed over the report.
Cloon: I guess that's a small price to pay for all my secret research. Do you have anything else to add to this?
Private Eye: The feline admits to spying on Headquarters on a regular basis through their window as they are bored and many interesting things appear to go on here.
Cloon: (Dabbing a fake tear) Poor SpyCat. Due to security concerns, I will not be holding a press conference but instead have this announcement:
ATTENTION EVERYONE: I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO PRESENT MY SECRET FINDINGS REPORT AT THE 1ST ANNUAL SYMPOSIUM ON FELINE NUTRITION AT THE BIRDEE NUM-NUMS ESTABLISHMENT IN BRISBANE AUSTRALIA IN SPRING OF 2010.
In closing I say, "G'day Mates!"