PIERRE DU PORT FINISHES FILMING AUSSIE COWBOY & WESTERN MOVIE AND PRESENTS CLOON'S SECRET FINDINGS AT THE BIRDEE NUM NUM ESTABLISHMENT IN BRISBANE

Cloon: How are ya goin' little buddy?

Pierre: G'day Mate! C'est formidable!

Cloon: You've been very busy...can you let the Audience know what's been going on?

Pierre: Oui, oui. First of all, I had one of my dreams come true when I completed my walk-on role in a Cowboy & Western Movie in the Australian Outback.

Cloon: Wicked cool Christmas present, eh?

Pierre: That's right Cloon. I'll always be grateful to "Clooney Claus" for the best present ever!

Cloon: How did you prepare for your role?

Pierre: The book "Cowboys For Dummies" that you gave me at Christmas for all my hard work at Headquarters really paid off. And the fact that it was a "walk-on" role and I didn't have any lines really helped a lot as well.

Cloon: Excellent, excellent. Now the picture of you appears to have some green plants in the background... I thoughts the "Outback" was dry desert...

Pierre: Good observation Cloon. Well the Outback was actually green this year because of all the rain Australia's been having.

Cloon: Good, good. Now, most importantly...what was the reaction to my research paper: "Num-Nums: The Secret Laboratory Findings" which you presented at the 1st Annual Symposium On Feline Nutrition at the "Birdee Num Num" Establishment?

Pierre: The felines in attendance were gasping in astonishment. If "T.I.M." had been there, he would have had a permanent "silent meow".

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent. Was the "Birdee Num Num" an appropriate venue for the event?

Pierre: You couldn't have done a better job in scouting out a location to present your findings and hold the conference. Brilliant, really!

Cloon: Yes, theese one was a good one! Now, can you throw the Audience a bit of a bone about the information discussed at the Symposium?

Pierre: Actually, you had to be in attendance in order to be privy to the "information". Uh, sorry about that! Let's just say that there will be future pep rallies and demonstrations in the streets by Australian felines.

Cloon: Excellent work Pierre! I'z not a really good traveller so thanks for taking that "epic flight" Down Under for me. Remember folks, you heard it all here first...

CLOON'S HUMAN RECRUITS BABY WOMBAT

Cloon: Hello there Audience. I has my Human on the phone and she has some very exciting news! Go ahead, let's not keep them in suspense any longer...

Cloon's Human: First of all, how is "the last man standing"?

Cloon: Most excellent. I gets the "royal treatment" at "Squirrel Sanctuary".

Cloon's Human: Well I miss you my little man. Now without further delay, the exciting news...the baby wombat has signed on for your Australia Zoo in Canada.

Cloon: Excellent job. What are the conditions of the contract?

Cloon's Human: She requests an air conditioned burrow with good feng shui and a home theatre system and monthly "shopping sprees" at Winners.

Cloon: Those ladies are high maintenance! I'll get Private Eye's pocket gophers to start on the construction of the burrow immediately. Now it looks like the little wombat is pretty cuddly...I finds myself a bit jealous because you know I likes having your cuddles to myself.

Cloon's Human: Don't worry Cloon...you're still the cuddliest of all...you little "stuffed animal".

Cloon: You know I likes my flattery! Hurry home so I can start up my crazy antics for num-nums again, will ya?

Cloon's Human: Will do, Cloon. Will do.

Cloon: Audience...donate to the Num-Num Fund now and get yourself at the top of the waiting list for "cuddling the baby wombat photo". Phone lines are now open at 1-800-WOM-BATS...

Act soon to avoid disappointment.

CLOON TO BE REUNITED WITH KOALA TWIN AS KOALAS SIGN CONTRACT FOR THE AUSTRALIA ZOO IN CANADA

Hello, hello, hello everyone! I'z very excited to share the news with you that theese ones above have signed on for my Australia Zoo in Canada. At last my koala twin and I will be reunited and be able to hang out together. Apparently what closed the deal was the koalas learning that Headquarters will soon have access to all the latest digital TV channels. Theese ones told Pierre that if they were able to entertain themselves with such programs as Iron Chef America and Diners Drive-Ins and Dives as well as all the reality TV they can get their paws on, they would not sleep for 20 hours a day. I have signed off on a list of guaranteed programming for the koalas which includes: Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, The Bachelor, and American Idol (now that Ellen is a judge). Does anyone in the Audience know where I can get an unlimited supply of fresh eucalyptus leaves? Minor detail...off to my Secret Research Laboratory I go...

PIERRE DU PORT HITS JACKPOT WITH RAINBOW LORIKEETS

Cloon: Hello there Pierre! Ok, I'z besides myself with suspense, did the lorikeets sign on for my Australia Zoo in Canada?

Pierre: She be right mate.

Cloon: I needs an Aussie translator. Can you speak in Spanish instead?

Pierre: Si, senor.

Cloon: Does that mean you'll speak in Spanish or that the parrots signed on?

Pierre: Just messin' with ya man! I learned from the best...uh that would be you Cloon.

Cloon: I know...karma's a *@##**!!! I learned all about it from "Stan". So, did you get theese ones to sign the contract?

Pierre: Oui, oui monsieur.

Cloon: Theese is excellent, most excellent. Did you give yourself a raise yet?

Pierre: Not yet, I'm still number crunching.

Cloon: How did you get the rainbow lorikeets to agree to leave such a warm climate for one that can be a bit frosty?

Pierre: Exactly. I told them that Canada can be a bit frosty.

Cloon: No seriously dude, how did you do it?

Pierre: Well, I said they would have unlimited bird seed, celebrity VIP status and of course season tickets to NHL hockey. It turns out they're all fans as well.

Cloon: It's a good thing I have "TIM" for connections.

Pierre: I think this is also going to involve a great deal of num-nums.

Cloon: That's what I'm afraid of. Well keep up the good work little buddy and have some Tim Tams on me, will ya?

Pierre: Seguro.

PIERRE DU PORT TAKES TIME FROM BUSY SCHEDULE TO ENJOY SYDNEY HARBOUR

Bonjour folks! C'est Pierre Du Port reporting live from Sydney harbour. I've taken the day off from recruiting for Cloon's Australia Zoo in Canada to see the iconic sight of the Sydney Opera House. I've enjoyed some didgeridoo at Circular Quay, toured "The Rocks" and done a bridge climb of the Harbour Bridge. Do not try this at home! You must have the right equipment and expert guidance. Of course felines and canines do not attempt this if you have a fear of heights as us "dog toys" are quite tough in this area. However, I must say that it was "wicked cool". Next I'm off on the ferry to Manly. I'll keep you all posted. And by the way, they need to start making "Tim Tams" in Canada...that's all I'm sayin'

TIM SNEAKS QUICK NAP TO RECOVER FROM PARTYING WITH "REEF MATES"


Hello Audience! Pierre Du Port emailed me this insider pic of "TIM" trying to grab a few winks after days of partying with the reef creatures. Unbeknownst to TIM, Pierre has gotten some "priceless" shots. At least Pierre didn't put lipstick on the guy or stick his hairy paw into warm water while he was "sleeping". He got off quite lucky with some private pics circulating the web. See felines, take note...this can happen to you when you go to 'Stralia. Theese one is a big "partay" place! Make sure to eat lots of Num-Nums before you start to party to give yourself a good base. Then of course, don't forget to take your sleep mask with you so you can get some shuteye in any location (see above photo). When you do wake up, remember the "hair of the dog":


2 parts Green Ale (or regular cerveza if green is not available)
1 part Num-Nums
1 part Vanilla Yogurt
1 tiny pinch of dog hair (makes sure it's TINY)

THEN PUT THEESE ONES IN MAGIC BULLET AND BLEND. THEN PUT CONCOCTION IN SHOOTER GLASS AND "DOWN THE HATCH"...

In 1 hour you will be back in business, trust me on theese one...

EASTER BUNNY VISITS CLOON AT SQUIRREL SANCTUARY

Happy Easter Audience! This is Cloon reporting live from Squirrel Sanctuary where the Easter Bunny has arrived and hidden peanuts for a "Nut Hunt" for the squirrels. That's right, you heard it here first folks! I am presently sitting back with my bowl of popcorn (and my Num-Nums and my chocolate Easter eggs...) and watching the action unfold. The squirrels are going "nuts"! Theese ones are running around and looking for peanuts and having a heck of a good ol' time with the festivities. Too bad Mr. L couldn't be here to watch. Uh, sorry about that! I must say I have some pretty good daily entertainment here at the Sanctuary.

Well Happy Easter to you all and remember don't get too "squirrely" from all the chocolate. Pace yourself folks!