"B.A.A.D." (BORN AWESOME AND DARING)

JILTED BY THE "PINK NOSE SOCIETY"

CLOON FORMS HIS OWN CLUB...

"B.A.A.D." (BORN AWESOME AND DARING)

Hello Everyone. I'z taken it upon myself to form my own Club. I,of course, am the Treasurer. Theese "Club" is a good one. It is only for those who are "Born Awesome And Daring". I, of course, fits into theese category and fits both criterias. I'z awesome because I'z the Cloon. (If you needs a reminder of all that this entails, please re-read the Blog.) Now as for the daring part...well I'z really got flair in theese department. I am constantly terrorizing my Human by performing daring stunts, especially in theese new diggs. I walks on skinny, high railings. I jumps at walls and sticks to them likes a suction-cup Garfield, I bites noses, I bites "Girlfriend", I race around corners at a very high speed etc. etc...

Now felines, canines, inanimate objects and other creatures gather around and listen real closely...To gets into my Club, not only do you has to be awesome and daring, you has to get someone to nominates you for the Club. I needs a personal essay from theese someone with proof that you are awesome and daring. Below is an example of a good nomination letter written to me:

Dear Cloon,

I would like to nominate "The Baby" as a member of your Club. He's awesome because he's orange, has little horns, is a great invention, has flair like you, and can impersonate Elvis. He's daring because he sails through the air as fast as the Human hand can throw him, he withstands temperatures of -40 below for days at a time, he gets buried in deep snow and never complains, he dances on the bar in front of crowds, he runs with motorcycle gangs etc. etc...Please accept this nomination and he says he would like to be President of the Club as well.

Yours very truly,

Mr. L

So there you have it folks. My first successful nominee. "The Baby" shall be President. Our first order of affairs will be to do some fundraising in order to raise money for "The Baby's" plastic surgery. He's been looking kind of rough theese days and in order to represent our Club in the media, he will at the very least have to have a chemical facial peel.

If you wish to contribute to this, please feel free to donate using the above button on the left hand side of the Blog.

CLOON EXITS STAGE LEFT DOING THE MOONWALK AND SINGING "YOU KNOW I'M B.A.A.D., I'M B.A.A.D.-YOU KNOW IT"...

EAVESDROPPING 101: A SEMINAR BY "GIRLFRIEND"...

EAVESDROPPING 101: A SEMINAR BY "GIRLFRIEND"...50 FELINES ATTENDED A SOLD OUT WEEKEND WORKSHOP ON "EAVESDROPPING ON YOUR HUMAN". They crowded into the new bedroom of "Girlfriend" (still not venturing far in the residential move). What follows is a brief media clip of the event:


"Girlfriend": Does everyone have their Starbucks Beverage? Ok then, let's get started, we have alot of material to cover this afternoon.

1) First of all, I need everyone to assume the correct eavesdropping position (see above photo for details). Ears back and out...Cloon (My helper today) will be making his rounds through the Audience checking for proper technique.

2) Next and this is a VERY IMPORTANT POINT...Whenever you hear your Human's voice in a conversation, stop what you are doing immediately and go sit as close to your Human as possible. Even if you are "under blankie" it is imperative that you come out of hiding and take a position near your Human.

3) When Humans are on the telephone speaking with another, this is an excellent time to get good information. Felines can either go right up to their Human and nestle in or take more of a clandestine position in the same room.

4) When your Human has company over this is another opportune time to get good information. Go and sit between your Human and their guest and put your ears into the correct eavesdropping position.

5) Store all juicy information you eavesdrop on in your memory banks and burn it in real good. You never know when the information will come in handy.

Testimonial from a previous feline attendee: "I observed my Human on the telephone in his office, so I jumped on the desk and laid by the keyboard with my ears in the proper eavesdropping position...That's when I heard the words, 'I'm going to take him to the vet because he is still squinting with his eye.' So, I then used the power of my Third Eye to heal my eye and avoid the vet visit. In my case, this information was priceless. So, I definitely recommend "Girlfriend's" seminar. And it's a good excuse to gets a free Frappuccino as well...
-T.I.M.

FELINES FOR JUST $149 YOU CAN ATTEND A FUTURE SEMINAR OF "GIRLFRIEND'S". "EAVESDROPPING ON YOUR HUMAN" INCLUDES YOUR FAVORITE STARBUCKS BEVERAGE AND SELLS OUT WELL IN ADVANCE, SO BE FOREWARNED...

TENSION MOUNTS IN LOCAL STARBUCKS AS CLOON & THE BABY'S HUGE DRIVE THRU ORDER CREATES CHAOS...

What follows is an account of the situation from Customer X (Wishing to remain Anonymous):

"Well, it was a nice sunny day and I decided to head over to my local Starbucks to relax, read the paper and have a good coffee. I walked in and approached the counter, knowing exactly what I wanted to order. I stood there unattended as 3 Baristas with their headsets on scurried about in a frantic manner. Five minutes went by before I was even acknowledged. Then, as a side thought, one of the Baristas took my order for a Vanilla Latte and that's when the chaos really began... I got caught in the middle of one of those 50 drink drive-thru dealies...I glanced over to the drive-thru window and happened to see 'a gray Cat' at the wheel of a blue 4x4 with an orange dog toy with horns on the dashboard...it was then that I knew I was in trouble... and in for an enormous wait for my beverage...Not only did the Cat order 50 beverages...they were all complex specialty drinks with half this and half that...Apparently, there was some sort of special function that they were taking these beverages to, I overheard one of the Baristas say. Not only that, but that Cat had "The Macarena" blaring from the car stereo and that orange toy was yelling "Andale, Andale, Arriba, Arriba!" which apparently translates to Come on! Hurry Up! Can you imagine? The nerve of some customers! So there went my peaceful afternoon at Starbucks...I abandoned my Latte after a half hour wait and left...just as that Cat spun his wheels leaving the drive-thru"...

OH THOSE DRIVE-THRUS...

CLOON'S LADYBUG SURFACES FOR RARE INTERVIEW...

"Girlfriend"(From Under Blankie): Well, hello little Ladybug. Welcome to the Blog.

Ladybug: Thank you indeed. This is a very important interview as I do believe that Dog Toys have been disproportionately featured on theese Blog so I am ready to even the playing field a bit.

"Girlfriend": Excellent. Now tell us how you came to know Cloon.

Ladybug: One day I was hanging from a hook on the wall of a pet store and theese Human came by and saw me. She picked me off the wall and commented on how cute I was. She also liked the fact that I was made of natural materials and filled with catnip. I was on a string attached to a bamboo wand and she thought of Cloon immediately as Cloon is definitely a "string man". She took me to the cash register and before I knew it, I was living at the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada.

"Girlfriend": Wow, that is touching little story. What was your first meeting with Cloon like?

Ladybug: Well, the little guy went quite wild, what can I say?... He fell in love with me at first sight. He was jumping real high in the air to try to get me and when he succeeded, he held me in his mouth and led his Human around the house by the string. He became very possessive of me and she even heard a little growl come from Cloon as he still held onto me.

"Girlfriend": Yes, I must admit that usually I'm a "babe mousie" kind of girl but I found myself quite jealous of Cloon's new toy...aka you the Ladybug. I came out of hiding and tried to get a piece of the action myself. I also started to jump for the string that was attached to you.

Ladybug: I know. I'm a popular one, what can I say...

"Girlfriend": Can you tell the Audience about today's events?

Ladybug: Well, Cloon was overly excited to see me today when I made my appearance...He grabbed me in his mouth and started to run down the stairs with his Human in tow. Then the string broke and Cloon ran away with me and was looking for a secret place to hide me. His little hunting instinct really kicks in with me...

"Girlfriend": So how is Cloon doing anyway? His fans are wondering when he will surface.

Ladybug: Well, he has been working non-stop with the Assembly Line Elves to get the Clooneymobile production up and running once again. So, I was a little bit of a stress relief for him today.

"Girlfriend": Now, tell me...do you like Cloon?

Ladybug: He's very handsome, he looks like a stuffed animal really...Yes, I have a bit of a crush really...I'm proud to be his favorite Cat Toy.

"Girlfriend": Thank you for coming forward into the public eye and representing Cat Toys... a very important segment of society.

Ladybug: You're most welcome. And I would just like to say to all the Humans out there...do your part and take a Cat Toy home today...

O' CLOON WHERE ART THOU?

Blog Followers Miss Stormy, T.I.M., "The Baby" and the "Love Babies" get antsy as Cloon is MIA...

Fans of the Blog await new material and have flooded the Headquarters of Clooney Credit Canada with emails, letters, silent meows etc. etc...wondering when Cloon will publish a new post... Inquiring felines want to know the nature of Cloon's writer's block and when he will surface again with his antics, stories, interviews, tutorials and seminars.

"GIRLFRIEND"(SECRETARY OF CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA) HAS PREPARED A SHORT PRESS RELEASE TO ADDRESS THIS SITUATION:

"OH DEAR!...I DO APOLOGIZE FOR CLOON'S ABSENCE FROM THE BLOG...HEADQUARTERS HAS BEEN IN THE PROCESS OF RELOCATION THIS PAST TWO WEEKS AND CLOON HAS BEEN INDISPOSED. HE HAS BEEN SCOPING OUT THE NEW BIRD TERRITORY AND IS PLEASED TO PASS ALONG THE INFORMATION TO HIS PUBLIC THAT THERE ARE MANY "CHICKADEES" AND A RABBIT THAT WANDER CLOSE TO HIS VIEWING PLATFORMS. HE HAS BEEN WORKING TO GET THE ASSEMBLY LINE FOR THE CLOONEYMOBILE UP AND RUNNING ONCE AGAIN IN THE NEW HEADQUARTERS. OUR PHONELINES HAVE BEEN BACKED UP AS I HAVE BEEN HIDING "UNDER BLANKIE" BECAUSE I DON'T TAKE RESIDENTIAL MOVES VERY WELL. SLOWLY, I AM VENTURING OUT TO EXPLORE AND RESPOND TO A FEW CALLS AND EMAILS AT A TIME. YOUR PATIENCE IS MOST APPRECIATED DURING THIS TIME OF TRANSITION.

CLOON WILL MAKE HIS REAPPEARANCE ON THE BLOG AS SOON AS THERE IS A GOOD PHOTO OP, IN THE MEANTIME HE SAYS WITH REGARDS TO HIS NEW DIGGS AND HEADQUARTERS THAT "THEESE IS A GOOD ONE!"