Clooney's Num-Num Fund

CLOON INTERVIEWS "RESIDENT" OF SQUIRREL SANCTUARY

Cloon: Hello there Audience. I have a surprise in store for you all. With me today, is special guest "Princess" from Squirrel Sanctuary. Welcome little one.

Princess: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Cloon: Is that a wee bit of an Elvis accent I detect?

Princess: Well, yes it is in fact...

Cloon: How is that possible?

Princess: Well, I sent away for these "Elvis Voice-Coaching Lessons" I saw on the interwebs.

Cloon: Was someone called "The Baby" involved?

Princess: You know "The Baby"?

Cloon: Well yes I do as a matter of fact, we run in the same circles...

Princess: Do you think you could get me his autograph?

Cloon: I think that could be arranged little one. Now for the business at hand today...I'm going to proceed with a few questions for you and then I'm going to open the phone lines to the general public to call in. So, are you really "squirrely" for peanuts and have you ever tried num-nums?

Princess: Ha ha, good one! You're a funny guy Cloon. No to num-nums as I'm a vegetarian and yes, I do love my peanuts.

Cloon: Does the whole squirrel race really enjoy driving canines "squirrely"?

Princess: We do indeed Cloon, we do indeed...

Cloon: Excellent, most excellent. Do you have any other hobbies you are interested in?

Princess: I enjoy modeling and posing in miniature bridal apparel.

Cloon: Sounds good. Now I'm opening the phone lines... and we have our first caller on the line...Go ahead caller with your questions for our squirrel guest...

Caller (in a high-pitched voice): Hello there, little squirrel. I'm wondering if you'd be interested in buying some "Girl Guide" cookies from me in order to support my local Girl Guide group?

Princess: Yes, I love "Girl Guide" cookies. I'll take a box of vanilla please. Any other questions for me?

Caller: Uh yes. How soon can we meet up and can you come alone?

Princess: Oh dear. I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this situation...

Caller: (starts to hyperventilate)

Cloon: Mr. L is this you on the line?

Caller: I know...you had me at hyperventilation...Ok, I give up. You can't blame a squirrel-crazy canine for trying can you? Tis the season and all...

Cloon: How are those visas going for my "Australian Zoo in Canada"?

Mr. L: We have hit a bit of a roadblock, I'm afraid...I've got "The Baby" trying to bribe some higher-up Immigration officials.

Cloon: Well keep me posted, will ya? Theese is a most important matter...

Mr. L: Roger that.

Cloon: Thank you to our special little guest today, one of our residents of Squirrel Sanctuary. Anyone interested in booking a tour of the Sanctuary and touring the Squirrel Museum is asked to call 1-800-IAM-NUTS...