CLOON RETURNS FROM MONTREAL WITH HIS MINIATURE MAPLE SYRUP AND "PIERRE DU PORT"

Hello, hello, hello everyone...How's the Audience today? I just wanted to report that Pierre and I have been planning our strategy to take the East by storm with the sales of Clooneymobiles. Pierre is quite the little trooper, he "dials for dollars" without any complaints and only takes the occasional break for poutine. ("Girlfriend" has been busy perfecting the art of poutine and Pierre has given her some good reviews.) The first thing Pierre did when he got off the plane in the land of the "Cowboys" was purchase himself a cowboy hat (see above photo). He takes this very seriously. I, on the other hand, was happy to add my miniature jar of authentic Quebec maple syrup to my collection of miniature jams. Theese one is a good one! Well, I'm off to mentor "Pierre Du Port" in the world of business in exchange for some French lessons.
AU REVOIR MES PETITS AMIS...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY HUMAN!!!

STICK WITH ME...TOGETHER OUR FUTURE IS REAL BRIGHT...

(THAT'S WHY I HAS THEESE SUNGLASSES ON)...

On theese special day I would like to acknowledge my Human, who also happens to be my Personal Assistant. I has written her a love letter as follows because I am quite sweet on her and I has developed quite a big attachment to her:

Dear My Human,

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?...I appreciates that you founds me on the interwebs and travelled quite a ways to adopts me...I was sweet on ya from first sight as I gave you googly eyes and purred as you held me on your lap on the car ride back...I liked my new home instantly, it was filled with toys, hiding places, good windows for birdies and most importantly "NUM-NUMS"...Right off the bat, I was treated as a celebrity with little hats, outfits, and photo-shoots...I gots kinda nervous the first time you wents on a trip and left me for a couple weeks... buts when you came back I tried out some new techniques for getting your attention in the wee hours of the morn, such as biting your nose and pulling your hair in order to get my Num-Nums (theese was a good strategic move)...I also experimented with moving paintings around on the walls, for your attention (I know you admires my cleverness and creativity)...You then did lots of work to help me develops my Clooneymobile Business and Num-Num Fund...Uh, thanks for that!... In closing, I would likes to express my appreciations for: your tummy massages, letting me rule the roost, keeping the inventory level of Num-Nums up, and most of all...your cuddles and luv...

Luv Your Main Man,

Cloon

RAISE A MINI-MUG OF ALE TO MY HUMAN...AND GET YOUR JAZZ HANDS GOIN', WILL YA...

CLOON GETS THE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH "PIERRE DU PORT"

Cloon: Thanks for giving me the exclusive, Pierre!

Pierre: Bonjour! My pleasure. Now, where is those "Cowboys"?

Cloon: Cowboys??

Pierre: Oui. Ou est les "Cowboys"? You promised me "Cowboys"!

Cloon: Oh. "The Baby" told me you have this idea about the West and likes Cowboys...So I used that to gets the exclusive. Uh, sorry about that! We has Cowboys back in Alberta, but we don't gots none here in the hotel room...

Pierre: Pas de probleme! I go back with you to see "Cowboys". When does the airplane go?

Cloon: Hmm... (Wheels turning...) Well perhaps we can works something out...As I mentioned Quebec is an uncharted territory for Clooneymobiles...Uh maybe you can live at Headquarters for un petit while and works the territory for me...speaking French and all...

Pierre: Do you has Poutine at Headquarters? I eat it every day...

Cloon: I'll get "Girlfriend" on that pronto!

Pierre: C'est formidable!

Cloon: Now, before we go please tell the Audience how you ended up in the canal anyway...

Pierre: My Canine was playing with me in the dog park alongside the canal. He got distracted for un moment and dropped me. A strange Canine approached me...he picked me up and ran tres rapide! He jumped into the canal and swam with me in his mouth! Then, his Human called him and said "Drop it!" I was left floating in the canal...enjoying the sun...I fell asleep...it was very relaxing...then I awoke to helicopter noise and to Private Eye rescuing me from the water... Merci beaucoup to Private Eye Von Ice for the rescue!

Cloon: Well that's quite a story little buddy... Now before we leaves Montreal I needs to get a miniature jar of maple syrup...Can you acts as my tour guide and helps me out?

Pierre: Bien sur!

CLOON AND "PIERRE DU PORT" HEAD OUT TO OLD MONTREAL ON THE QUEST FOR A MINIATURE JAR OF MAPLE SYRUP FOR CLOON'S COLLECTION...

NEWS BULLETIN***..........................................................

CLOON AND PRIVATE EYE VON ICE ARE CALLED TO MONTREAL ON RESCUE MISSION...

"The Baby" received an urgent phone call from his relatives in Montreal, Quebec requesting the services of Private Eye Von Ice as their family member "Pierre Du Port" had gone missing one afternoon in the dog park. What follows is a report on the situation from Cloon:

"Testing 1, 2, 3...ahem ...Testing... (major feedback...) Well hello, hello, hello everyone! I'm reporting live from the Montreal Canal where Private Eye Von Ice and I have been circling in a special rescue helicopter. Private Eye Von Ice spotted the yellow dog toy ( a good cuz) who is affectionately referred to as "Pierre Du Port" in a corner of the canal. (See first photo above.) What can I say, theese ones have good eyes. They'z used to spotting squirrels and rabbits from miles away. And Private Eye has lots of experience spotting "The Baby" when he is buried under snow etc. etc. So, Private Eye spots "Pierre" from miles above, then I flies the helicopter closer in. Private Eye then jumps from the helicopter into the canal and swims over to "Pierre", puts the little guy in his mouth and swims over to a rescue dinghy (AKA paddle boat), gives him some shakes to gets the water out (the canine equivalent of CPR), puts "Pierre" on the stern of the boat and VOILA..."Pierre" is officially rescued. A large crowd gathers on the shore of the canal cheering us on. Of course, they'z wanting some autographs from Yours Truly. (A good opportunity to sell some Clooneymobiles, Quebec is an uncharted territory...) But that's another subject...So back to the matter at hand..."Pierre's" family is ecstatic and his Canine friend is jumping for joy at the return of "Pierre". Entertainment for Canines in Canada is on hand to do a live feed of theese event and award Private Eye Von Ice with the 'Key To The City'. Now I'z a bit jealous because Montreal is very exciting and vibrant and a great place to gets a key to...But I must warn him that theese 'keys' are complex...and it's a challenge to figure out what they belong to...I knows this from experience"...

WELL THAT'S A WRAP FOLKS...STAY TUNED FOR THE INTERVIEW WITH...

"PIERRE DU PORT"

SECURITY DIVISION OF CLOONEY CREDIT CANADA DETECTS FELINE SPY...

Cloon was alerted by his security division that Headquarters was being watched...
What follows is a conversation between Cloon and an expert in surveillance and security...

Cloon: Yes, hello. It is imperative that I get some advice from you ASAP...

Private Eye Von Ice: Roger that. What seems to be the problem?

Cloon: Our security has detected a feline spy across the way...

Private Eye: This sounds exciting! Tell me more...

Cloon: Well, one day a feline looking suspiciously similar to "Girlfriend" was caught on security camera staring out the window across the way and spying on our Headquarters...

Private Eye: This is juicy! Go on!...

Cloon: I want to know what measures need to be taken, so I decided to consult with the expert in this area...AKA you the Private Eye.

Private Eye: Thanks for thinking of me, my security work has been a little bit sporadic lately. I've mainly been involved in Elvis impersonation rehearsals with "The Baby". Now, there are some important questions I must ask you. For starters, are there any squirrels involved in this scenario?

Cloon. No, not that I've detected. There's an occasional rabbit, though.

Private Eye: Now, that's what I like to hear... Next question...Do you believe that this feline spy is a clone of "Girlfriend"?

Cloon: Well, that's what we're concerned about...Especially "Girlfriend"... You know how she is... She has been quoted as saying, "Oh, dear...There is someone who looks like me staring back at me. I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this situation"...

Private Eye: Affirmative. This is indeed alarming. Now when have you last spotted the rabbit?

Cloon: Well, what does that have to do with anything? Focus, Private Eye, focus...I need your utmost attention on the real matter at hand.

Private Eye: Uh, yes, roger that. I will need to attend to this matter by inspecting the situation firsthand and securing the premises. Please send your Driver to pick me up. I shall have my disguise and various spy tools ready. Do not fear Cloon. I will get to the bottom of this...And, by the way, please have one of them good T-bone steak bones ready...I know you got them...

Cloon: Will do, Private Eye. Will do.

TO BE CONTINUED...

TIM, SECRETARY OF THE "PINK NOSE SOCIETY" RETURNS FROM "WORLD BIRD SANCTUARY" IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
"Girlfriend": Well hello there, my pink-nosed friend!

TIM: Where's the num-nums? I was promised num-nums...

"Girlfriend": Oh, dear... Well, let's conduct this interview first, shall we...That's a nice hat you have there!

TIM: It's my official bird-watching hat. Except for, they got my name wrong...It ain't Stanley...

"Girlfriend": Oh, dear...We'll have to get that attended to. Now, can you please share with the Audience your favorite part of the bird-watching trip?

TIM: Yes. It was the Homing Pigeon Release. You see, my Birthday was missed on the Blog this year and even though I do have "tough fur", my feelings was hurt. So, my Belated Birthday was acknowledged by having homing pigeons released in my honour. Now, this experience was "unforgettable" and I was deeply touched.

"Girlfriend": Wow. That is quite something! We do apologize profusely for forgetting your Birthday here on the Blog. You know we "loves you like our own". And Cloon passes on a "Uh, sorry about that" to you. Now, did you make the bird noises or perform the "silent meow" when the pigeons were released?

TIM: It was so exciting that I did make the bird noises, I must admit.

"Girlfriend": Excellent. What else did you like about the trip?

TIM: I liked the songbird hike and seeing the rare birds and the parrots had very nice colors as well.

"Girlfriend": Now you did present the World Bird Sanctuary with a charitable donation from our "Pink Nose Society", can you tell the Audience about this?

TIM: Yes. I am very proud to say that I presented them with a cheque for $100.

"Girlfriend": You also have some other very exciting news for the Audience, am I correct?

TIM: Yes. I have submitted my application for the Internship Program at the World Bird Sanctuary and am currently waiting to see if I will be accepted.

"Girlfriend": Wow, that is indeed exciting! What kind of duties must you perform if you get accepted as an intern?

TIM: Well it is quite extensive. I will be involved in bird rehabilitation, field identification of birds & documentation of behaviors, public education, interacting with visitors and I must be capable of rigorous outdoor work in all types of weather conditions.

"Girlfriend": That is quite an involved undertaking. Good luck to you and please keep us updated regarding your internship status.

TIM: I will. I must admit I'z quite excited. I check the mailbox on a daily basis.

"Girlfriend": Well Audience that's a wrap. A thank you again to "Feline Vogue" for donating the miniature binoculars to us for the trip.

TIM HEADS INTO THE KITCHEN FOR NUM-NUMS...