September 17, 2010


Cloon: Today is Day 1 of our new employee training program at Headquarters headed up by none other than Princess Neytiri. So can you give the Audience a taste of what our employee training entails?

Neytiri: I sure can Cloon. The name of our new employee training program is the "Clooney Credit Canada Employee Bootcamp".

Cloon: Theese sounds like serious business. What exactly goes on here?

Neytiri: It is a very strict and stringent certification program whereby our new employees at Headquarters will become experts in the fields of "Office Management", "Assembly Line Production", "Fundraising and PR", "Esthetics" and, last but by no means least, "Bedazzling".

Cloon: This sounds excellent, most excellent. So, I understand you got started today with the "Office Management" component. How did that go?

Neytiri: Well, I'm training my little protege "Ducky" (pictured above), Pierre Du Port, and the Cockatoo from Australia to receive faxes for Clooneymobiles.
Cloon: Is that why you're standing on top of the fax machine with the "little guy" in your mouth?
Neytiri: Exactly. We were dealing with a "hypothetical" scenario of receiving an order for the Clooneymobile.
Cloon: You're kinda busting my chops with the "hypothetical".
Neytiri: Uh, sorry about that. But I promise you that when I get to the next training component "Assembly Line Production" I'll increase efficiency with the Assembly Line Elves by 100%.
Cloon: Excellent! With the Elves taking less num-num breaks, that will then result in a Clooneymobile ready for the market and hence no more "hypothetical" orders. Now you appear to be playing favorites with your Office Management trainees. I see you have been taking naps with "Ducky".
Neytiri: Well, what can I say, we play hard and we nap hard.
Cloon: What's next on your training agenda?
Neytiri: Politely and efficiently answering the busy switchboard at Headquarters. The 3 trainees will be observing me and listening in on my calls tomorrow, then I will monitor them in action on the phone lines and grade them according to very strict criteria. When they are up to snuff, we will move on to the next module of "behind the scenes details" such as dusting, scheduling daily num-num breaks for Headquarters employees, and using the easy-bake oven.
Cloon: Sounds good to me. Oops, time for a num-num break...Stay tuned Audience for future Bootcamp updates.

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