February 1, 2010
MR. L ("FILM CRITIC IN TRAINING") REVIEWS AVATAR
Cloon: Hello there Mr. L. Now before we get down to business with our most important movie review, tell us how your dream date with lady Pamela went?
Mr. L: Well first of all, I don't "lick and tell". But perhaps for one of those BBQ T-bones, I could divulge just a few details...
Cloon: That can be arranged. I tell you what, I'll throw you a bone and you throw us one back, will ya?
Mr. L: I like teamwork! I must say that my date was fantastic! My lady Pam is very lovely and she said that I was a very interesting conversationalist, I can thank "The Baby" for that. We checked out various hotspots like the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Rodeo Drive and Venice Beach. It was a lot of fun and I left with her autograph for "The Baby"...and a "deal" for a mockumentary film series I'm currently working on...
Cloon: Excellent, excellent. Now, let's discuss Avatar, shall we? I see you have some special glasses on and some blue hair, can you tell us more about theese ones?
Mr. L: Well, I have become an honorary member of the Na'vi tribe so I'm trying out some blue hair, in the form of a wig, to see if it suits me before I go ahead with a hair plug transplant.
Cloon: Is "The Baby" hooking you up for that?
Mr. L: Well yes indeed, he does know some people in Cabo...
Cloon: Are those x-ray lenses or can you communicate through them like a secret agent?
Mr. L: Unfortunately not, but they have special 3D powers and let me tell you...they're excellent!
Cloon: So what kind of rating on the "Tomatometer" do you give theese "Avatar"? Do you agree with the 82% rating?
Mr. L: No, I do not. I give Avatar a 99.9% rating. It was a spectacular piece of cinema. A masterpiece really!
Cloon: So why did you withhold the 0.1%?
Mr. L: Uh, there were no squirrels in the movie.
Cloon: I guess Pandora doesn't have squirrels. I wonder if it has Num-Nums? The film did have some pretty cool looking birds and insects though.
Mr. L: Affirmative.
Cloon: And Jake Sully is our hero, we're in the process of forming a "Jake Sully Fan Club".
Mr. L: That is correct, so far it's me, you, your Human, TIM and "The Baby" that are members.
Cloon: I've also been working on my avatar in my secret research laboratory.
Mr. L: Are you trying to replicate the Na'vi?
Cloon: No, it's a 10 feet tall gray cat that looks identical to me. Now that I see your wig, I may add some blue hair though, it does look cool. Is there anything you'd like to add about the film in closing, Mr. L?
Mr. L: Yes, I urge all canines, humans and felines to go see this revolutionary film "Avatar". It is excellent, most excellent.
Cloon: Take it from the film critic (in training) folks...
ANYONE WANTING TO JOIN THE "JAKE SULLY FAN CLUB" IS ASKED TO CONTACT CLOON AT HEADQUARTERS.