January 19, 2010


"The Baby": So, my boy how goes the preparations for your Christmas present from Clooney Claus...your dream date with Pamela Anderson?

Mr. L: I really am quite beside myself with excitement...(see above photo for evidence)

"The Baby": Let's get this all straight. A private jet is picking you up at sunrise tomorrow?

Mr. L: Affirmative.

"The Baby": Ok, let's go over a few things. Now, what do you do if you start to see stars and hyperventilate?

Mr. L: I breathe slowly into my paper bag...made of "recycled" materials of course.

"The Baby": Now, why is it important that the bag is "recycled"?

Mr. L: Because my Lady is concerned with the environment.

"The Baby": Exactly. Now, you share many things in common with Pam, such as eating the same type of diet.

Mr. L: Yes, that's right, we're both vegetarians. Except for the occasional BBQ steak bone, that is.

"The Baby": Leave the steak bone out of it.

Mr. L: Oh, yeah that's right...

"The Baby": And remember...go easy on the champagne, you need to have your wits about you for an intelligent conversation. Now, you have some "Conversation Cards" to take along with you. I've "stacked" the deck with the ones we've already practised the answers to. For example, "What's the first thing you notice in a person?"

Mr. L: Their "bosom".

"The Baby": No, no, no. Remember, it's their "inner beauty". #2: "What is your definition of success?"

Mr. L: An active squirrel sighting.

"The Baby": Uh, no. "Producing excellent mockumentaries". OK, last one: "Do you believe in Angels?"

Mr. L: Yes, I most certainly do, in fact I'm spending my day with one.

"The Baby": Excellent, you have one out of three. If all else fails remember to talk about animals and animal rights...Now don't forget to get me my autograph saying "To The Baby, You Rock! Love Pam".

Mr. L: Affirmative.

Mr. L heads off to bed early for some extra beauty sleep and to be in tip top shape for his "Dream Date"...

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