INCOMING CALL TO
"Girlfriend": Mobile Waxing Unit and Pimp My Suitcase hotline, this is "Girlfriend" speaking, how may I help you?
Caller: Yes, hello there. I am a feline who suffers from hairy paws and I saw an infomercial on your services. I have a wedding to attend and I must have my paws waxed beforehand.
"Girlfriend": Excellent. Now, I must complete a mini-questionnaire with you before I can book an appointment. Do I have your consent?
Caller: Sure, you may proceed.
"Girlfriend": Are you a Maine Coon?
Caller: Hmm. Why must you know my breed?
"Girlfriend": I assure you it's for statistical purposes only.
Caller: Well, alrighty then. Yes, I am a Maine Coon.
"Girlfriend": Do you have any allergies to indoor plants or catnip?
Caller: Uh, no. No, I don't.
"Girlfriend": Excellent. Do you like ice cream sandwiches?
Caller: Yes, that's why I called in. I'd like to take advantage of the spring special.
"Girlfriend": Excellent. Is the wedding you are planning to attend out of town?
Caller: Yes it is.
"Girlfriend": Can I interest you in adding mags to your suitcase and having it bedazzled? You'll be the talk of the wedding.
Caller: No, I'm just interested in the wax job.
"Girlfriend": No problem. Let me take a look at my appointment book... Ok. We are currently booking into June and I have June 8 available at 2 PM.
Caller: No, no, no. My wedding is this weekend. So I must have the waxing completed by Friday, May 15.
"Girlfriend": I'm sorry Sir. That's simply not possible. We are booked solid until June 8.
Caller: I want to talk to your Supervisor. This is unacceptable. I want something done about this.
"Girlfriend": Ok, Sir. Let me transfer you to a Level 2.
("GIRLFRIEND PUTS THE CALLER ON HOLD AND GETS CLOON. MEANWHILE CLOON HAS BEEN MONITORING THE CALL FOR QUALITY ASSURANCE...)
Cloon: Yes, Hello Sir. This is the Level 2. I understand there is a bit of a situation here.
Caller: Yes, indeed. First of all, I have been hitting redial on my phone for 2 days because your phones lines have been busy. Then, when I finally get through, that lady can't help me.
Cloon: Are you sure you don't have us confused with Revenue Canada?
Caller: No. Clearly not. Look. I have a wedding to attend this weekend. I need my paws waxed. I need them waxed this week. I want the spring special with the ice cream sandwich. End of story.
Cloon: Would you be willing to sign a 10 year lease on a Clooneymobile?
Caller: Would you get me in this week then?
Cloon: Indeed, we would.
Caller: You drive a hard bargain. But, OK, I'm desperate.
Cloon: Excellent. Ok, we will squeeze you in at 4 AM Thursday, May 14. Meet us curbside and we'll get the business done. I'm going to put "Girlfriend" on to get your address. Is there anything else we can help you with today?
Caller: No. Just make sure you don't forget the ice cream sandwich.
Cloon: Don't worry Sir. It will all go smoothly from here on in...
CLOON EXITS THE SCENE TO DRAW UP THE LEASE PAPERS FOR THE CLOONEYMOBILE...