INTERVIEW WITH FELINE ZEN MASTER "MS TORTOROVSKY"

GIVE ME SOME ZEN HERE!...I NEED A LITTLE BIT OF ZEN HERE!...

Good afternoon Everyone! T.G.I.F. & T.G.I.F. (if you know what I mean)! Today at Headquarters I have a special guest whose identity must be protected. See photograph.

Cloon: Is it alright if I address you by one of your less known names?

Guest: If you must.

Cloon: Welcome Ms. Tortorovsky.

Ms. Tortorovsky: Thank you very much for having me.

Cloon: That's quite an unusual name you have. What nationality is it?

Ms. "T": I'll give you a hint... does the name Rasputin mean anything to you?

Cloon: Is that one of those WWF WrestleMania guys?

Ms. "T": No. Clearly not. What about this hint..."Oh, those Russians!"

Cloon: Well you didn't have to make it that easy.

Ms "T": Clearly I did.

Cloon: How did you end up with a Russian name?

Ms "T": It's my Human, she's got a quirky sense of humor and a good imagination.

Cloon: How come I didn't get a Russian name instead of things like "The Bomb" and "Punks"?

Ms. "T": Why don't you take it up later, you're wasting my valuable time here.

Cloon: So are you a secret agent feline?

Ms. "T": No, not exactly.

Cloon: Do you carry a miniature weapon or tiny sunglasses you communicate through?

Ms. "T": No. I'm all about peace, harmony, love and Zen.

Cloon: Ahh, Zen. That is the topic for today, isn't it?

Ms. "T": Correct. I come from a secret lineage of Feline Zen Masters and my mission is to make this world more zen.

Cloon: I hear you hold silent retreats.

Ms. "T": That's right Cloon, there's no chirping aloud.

Cloon: Now, you also allow others to be in your presence to soak up some Zen if you will, or allow some of your calm to rub off on them. What happens if there is noise or some sort of disturbance around you?

Ms "T": I hide under the bedspread.

Cloon: Fair enough.

ALL RIGHT AUDIENCE, DONATE TO THE NUM-NUM FUND IN THE NEXT 24 HRS. AND RECEIVE A COMPLIMENTARY "ZEN" SESSION FROM MS. TORTOROVSKY.

Cloon: Is there anything you'd like to say in closing?

Ms "T": George Clooney ain't that bad of a name!