DO YOU SUFFER FROM HAIRY PAWS?
TOO SHY TO GO OUTSIDE, SHOPPING, OR TO THE BEACH?
CONTACT THE MOBILE WAXING UNIT...
Cloon: Hello Audience, here I am in-studio with special guest and Feline Esthetician "Girlfriend". Welcome "Girlfriend".
"Girlfriend": Thank you very much.
"Cloon": Now, tell me about this surprising fact that many cats suffer from hairy paws...
"Girlfriend": Well Cloon, most felines are quite secretive about this because of the humiliation factor. But I'm here today to tell them that it's okay to come out of the closet and seek help.
Cloon: What are the actual statistics for theese one?
"Girlfriend": A shocking 30% of felines suffer from hairy paws. And Maine Coons are over-represented in that category.
THE AUDIENCE GASPS IN ASTONISHMENT. CLOON POUNDS HIS LITTLE PAW FOR "ORDER IN THE COURT".
Cloon: We have a film clip to show the Audience. Please cue the presentation. (The Assembly Line Elves start up the projector.) Rolling... For those at home, please see second photograph above.
Well Audience, there you have it. There's the proof. Now "Girlfriend" is going to give us some more information about "The Mobile Waxing Unit".
"Girlfriend": So Felines there's no need to panic about the situation. My mobile spa, which incidentally doubles as an ice cream truck, will come right to you. You will jump into the back of the truck and be transported to another time and place (metaphorically speaking of course, we're not kidnapping you or anything). My theme for my mobile spa is Zen Gardens. In this healing space, special recordings of chirping birds play in the background. There are many plants and a DVD plays "Mousies" on a big screen TV. I start each session by a Zen Meditation, deep breathing exercises and of course some of the highest grade premium organic catnip available. I use only the finest French waxing strips for the hairy paws. After the waxing is complete, you are treated to a complimentary ice cream sandwich (Cloon has an overstock from Costco). Remember Cloon likes to multitask, so he will be selling various ice creams out of the front of the truck. I think drumsticks and popsicles are also available. Now remember, the Spring Special is $19.95 (includes all 4 paws and the ice cream sandwich). We will be taking before and after photos for the purpose of advertising. (All Felines will be asked to sign an agreement for disclosure.)
SO FELINES, NOW IS THE TIME TO RECLAIM YOUR SOCIAL LIFE. DO NOT LET HAIRY PAWS HOLD YOU BACK ANY LONGER. CALL 1-800-WAX-JOBS TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT OR COME OUT TO THE CURB WHEN YOU HEAR AN ICE CREAM TRUCK PLAYING THE "MACARENA" IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD...
Originally posted April 29, 2009