"BOMBS DE LA RENTA"- ONE OF THE MANY ALTER EGOS OF GEORGE CLOONEY THE CAT - AKA "CLOON" (PART 1 OF A 3-PART SERIES)
"Girlfriend": Thanks for agreeing to this interview Cloon. Can you tell us the central characteristic of being "Bombs De La Renta"?
Cloon: I'm bad, real BAD....
"Girlfriend": Can you give us some specific details please?
Cloon: Well for starters, I'm obsessed with num-nums (in case that hasn't been clear to the Audience so far). Now the thing is I'll stop at nothing to get my Human to give me num-nums. To begin with I start a high-pitched chirp at the wee hours of the morn. If this doesn't get me attention, I start jumping onto high surfaces and moving the paintings on the walls back and forth in a swaying motion. Theese one is usually a good one to get some action going. If, however, my Human still does not respond, I chew metal and wood objects with my little teeth. If theese does not work, I run around like a madman, scurrying around the corners on the hardwood, crying and running through my cat tunnel which makes a "crinkly" noise. If there is still no action, I pull out all the stops and pull my Human's hair real hard at the roots or bite her nose, or a combination of both.
"Girlfriend": Wow, that is real BAD! How do you get away with this?
Cloon: I look like a stuffed animal so she ends up going easy on me.
"Girlfriend": What else makes up "The Bombs"?
Cloon: I like to box with my feline companion. Sometimes I bite her real hard and chase her.
"Girlfriend": But I always clean your clock, don't I?
Cloon: No comment.
"Girlfriend": Is there anything else you'd like us to know about "Bombs De La Renta"?
Cloon: I'm gangsta. I have a side business called "Cement Shoes".
"Girlfriend": Enlighten us, will ya?
Cloon: Well it goes like theese...Say you have theese person you know that hasn't been that nice to you. Well, I gets the shoe size of theese person and makes cement shoes for them. Then I invites them for a picnic down by the river. I asks them to try on the cement shoes. Then I takes a little walk with them along the river. Then I tells them to get a bit closer to the river bank. Then they "accidentally" falls in with their "cement shoes". And voila!...problem solved.
"Girlfriend": Now That's Buck!
Cloon: Well what can I say? That's how I roll...
"Girlfriend": Thanks for your time Cloon. I know you are a busy feline. AUDIENCE, PLEASE TUNE IN FOR THE NEXT PART IN CLOON'S SERIES...
Cloon: Peace out, Homie...